100 Theme challenge
by Bookworm1978
Summary: Short stories and drabbles that follow the 100 themes challenge
1. 01-Introduction

I decided to work on a 100 Theme challenge to go as filler for the New York Series. Every time I introduce a new group, I will add them, and start over with their group in mind. This might be too complicated for me, but I thought this would be a good way for me to get in the heads of the various characters I want to write about in this crossover series. Especially since some of the groups I will add, I know next to nothing about. So far, this would be one with the focus on the TMNT, and one with the focus on The Gargoyles.

Also, I am sorry for not posting the way I wanted to. I currently hold down two jobs, and have limited time to write. Let alone post. I currently have much more material than I can keep up with to post, but I'll try to post more or less regularly from now on. Maybe this challenge will help.


	2. 02-Love

At five,

Mikey said love was a big hug.

 **...**

Raphie said love was eating whatever he wanted, however much he wanted.

 **...**

Donnie said love was when people care about each other very much. When they care about others more than themselves.

 **...**

Leo said that love was making sure everyone was okay, and had enough to eat, and had time to play.

 **...**

At ten,

Mikey said that love was when someone give someone else something they want very, very much, like when Donnie built them all the t.v.

 **...**

Raphie said that love was when someone can do just about whatever he wanted but instead goes out of their way to protect their family and get what they need.

 **...**

Donnie said love was putting aside the needs of the one, his need for sleep, for the needs of the many, the family's need for clean, running water, and electricity.

 **...**

Leo said that love was not thinking of themselves, but training endlessly so that if his family was ever in danger, he will have the skill to protect them.

 **...**

At fifteen,

Mikey said that love is the sun on his skin, the wind blowing through his bandana, the whirl of his nunchucks as he protects his brothers and himself with their awesome blazing nunchuck fury. It is also the smell of perfectly prepared pizza made for his and his family's nutritional scarfing!

 **...**

Raph said that love is trying to smash a punching bag, instead of his annoying brothers' smug faces, especially his oldest brother. Love is working out to be strong for them. Love is annoying and stupid, it turned two of his brothers into babbling idiots! Love is protecting his brothers from their stupid, sappy love!

 **...**

Donnie said that love is the craziest, most terrifying, most exciting, most depressing ride of his short life. Love is learning all he can, so that he would have the crucial bit of information just when it is needed for the survival of his brothers, father, and….April….when the situation is dire. Love is awkward. Love is not saying or doing something stupid in front of April. Love is going without sleep or food so that he cam make sure his family has what they need and can eat and sleep in peace and safety. Or at least as much peace and safety as is ever likely for them to have.

 **...**

Leo said that love is being seen as an annoying jerk so that his brothers would be saved. Love is walking a razor wire, on one side lay his family's safety, on the other lay the regard of a very dangerous girl. Love is making every decision count, every moment counts, so that his family won't come to harm. Love is training until every nerve is on fire and every bone feels like it's broken so that he didn't have to pause to think when in a fight and every second could mean the difference between life or death for those he loved.

 **...**

At twenty,

Mikey said love is watching everything fall apart while trying not to fall apart yourself. Love is nurturing hope and joy because hope is the only thing you have left, and joy is a verb, not a noun. Love is working hard at a job you hate, is embarrassing, and emotionally scarring. Not to mention physically scarring. There are places those kids kick that even Shredder never kicked! And all so that loved ones are cared for. Love is losing your pain in a sweet ride on the back of your beloved skateboard. Love is watching someone grow old, thin and weak, and wishing you can take your father's place so he would not suffer anymore. Love is watching what's left of your family drift apart and practically self-destruct, all the while frantically trying to hold it together. Love is being a sounding board when stress gets too much for those you love. Love is praying for a runaway's return.

 **...**

Raph says love is protecting complete strangers from the wolves that prowl the fast urban jungle. Love is telling yourself that it don't hurt when a brother belittles you because he is too stressed out and worn down to pull it together anymore. Love is not telling an over-awed little brother that you're his idol, or he might go out and get his stupid self killed. Love is keeping his distance from those he loved to keep himself from hurting them. Love is practicing tough love to keep them from becoming weak. Love is keeping himself from going berserk, racing off to the rainforest, and dragging back a certain numb-skulled nitwit of an oldest brother, because if he did that, then his other brothers would be left to fend for themselves. Love is watching your family fall apart in their pain, and there is not a thing he could do about it.

 **...**

Don said love is giving all you have to work at a job where you are mentally starved, physically drained and emotionally abused to put food on the table, medicine in the house and needs met every day. Love is trying to be strong when you are weak. Love is trying to be what everyone around you needs, even if you are failing horrifically at it. Love is being a light for as long as you can when all you see around you is darkness. Love is trying to keep the light in those you love burning a little longer. Love is taking charge and acting confident when you know you deep inside that the center has fallen out of everything and no matter what you do, you are doomed to fail because you don't have the strength and skill you need to lead like HE did. Love is shutting up and putting up when strangers make your live miserable, and family makes your life unbearable because they are hurting too much to remember that you are hurting too. That they are too hurt to see that their actions are hurting too and too disillusioned that you are nowhere near as good at taking care of the family like HE was. Love is watching the woman you love slip further away from you every day. To see her fall in love with someone else. To step aside so she can be happy, even though your own heart and happiness shatters like glass. Love is enduring tremendous pain silently on a daily basis. Because if you tell how much you are hurting, it would help nothing and only cause the ones you love a lot of needless pain, with no way to fix it. It is better to bleed in secret.

...  
Leo says that love is giving your best so that strangers would be protected from evil men. Love is staying away from those you love and worry about so that you can work hard to be better than you are right now. Love is not coming home as a disgrace. Love is admitting that you are a disgrace. Love is swallowing your pride. Love is going back to most likely face shame and dishonor for failure, to set things right again. Love is taking back the suffocating mantle of leadership, that you never really wanted to wear, and trying to show that you do care about what is going on with your family. Love is swallowing your personal pride for your family's well-being. Love is noticing how your past actions have hurt your family and try to make up for it. Love is letting potential allies in without distrust. Love is watching those around you whom you love more than yourself, suffer and rage at you and not retaliate because it won't help to retaliate. Love hurts.


	3. 03-Light

Light

Don sighed and set aside the screwdriver in his hand. It was hopeless. This lamp was beyond fixing. He dragged himself to his feet and willed himself to go to his next task. Willed himself to face something else he was afraid he might not be able to fix. As he neared his father's room, he heard the muffled, fitful coughing. He heard the rough breathing and wondered again if the medicine was doing any good at all.

But as he raised his hand to knock, he heard something else, something he didn't expect to hear.

"Hey, Case says hi too." Raph's voice floated past the door. "He wanted me to tell ya, that he'll be down as soon as he can. He got some stuff fer ya, Master Splinta I called him a meat head for ya."  
Splinter chuckled weakly. On the other side of the door, Donnie fidgeted, hesitated, then dropped his hand again without touching the door. Raph had everything under control, and he didn't want to ruin anything by blundering around in there. He didn't want to ruin anything with his presence. Like last time.

He got back to the living room in time to see Mikey stagger in, looking beat in more ways than one. Mikey looked up, with a startled expression on his face. Then he put on a big grin and held up the bags that were in his hands. "Cake and chips, from Cowabunga Carl, dude!"

"That's, um, nice," Donnie said, slowly, feeling like a first rate fool for not saying anything better. "Did it go okay?"

"Yeah, totally. It was a real hit." Mikey's smile turned wry as he spoke. Don flinched and smiled in shared sympathy. "But umm, no more parties for ten-year-olds?"

"I'll keep that in mind at the next booking," Donnie promised. "Good thinking."

"I'm going to take the cake…" Mikey paused and chuckled to himself as he started walking to the kitchen, as Donnie followed with a groan at the bad joke.. "And put it away. Then I'm going to crash and saw some serious logs. I'm just beat."

"Yeah, I'll say."

"Dude? So not what I meant."  
"yeah, I know. I know. I'm sorry." Donnie shrugged and reached over to grab a bag. He blinked in surprise as Mikey stopped and peered into his face with a worried thoughtful expression. "No offense and all, but when did you sleep last?"  
Donnie stared at his little brother with a completely blank expression on his face. Yesterday? Sometime last week? Last month? He didn't really remember.

He smiled reassuringly and made his expression as alert as he knew how. "Recently, I assure you."  
"Just how recently?" Mikey demanded, his frown deepening.

"R...recently enough. Back off, Mikey!" Donnie snapped, growing annoyed with him. Then, seeing Mikey's flinch away from his sharp words, Donny felt remorse for his momentary weakness. 'I got to be strong. Remember?" He chided himself mentally. 'that's what Splinter said. Be strong where the others are weak. Be strong.'

"Sorry. I guess I am more tired than I thought. I'll go to bed soon. I promise."

"...okay. Cool."

"Here, let me take some of those bags."

"Kay, bra."

"Did….you just call me a bra?"  
"Nope, new slang for bro."

"...Is a bra?"

"you know what, forget it."

The two bantered as they got the food put away, and everything cleaned up. As Mikey put the last bit of cake in the freezer, he suddenly grinned and struck a pose. "Man-nor turtle-lives by mere bread alone. They must have much cake to sweeten their meals as well. Sugary, moist cake, with just the right amount of frosting. And maybe chocolate chips to add a bit of mystery!"

Donnie smiled back and gave a polite golf clap, as Mikey laughed at his silly little speech. He was sure that Mikey didn't know this, but Donnie was sure that Mikey was the light of the family. And Donnie never wanted to see that light go out. No matter what.

Mikey kept the light chatter going as he and Donnie cleaned everything up, and joked as he bullied Donnie into eating something before sending him off to bed. The moment Donnie got up and turned his shell to him to start up the stairs, Mikey's playful smile vanished. He wasn't the least bit fooled by that recently line. He watched Snow White too.

He also saw the dark black-blue circles under the bloodshot eyes. Heard the slur in the voice, saw how the shoulders slumped wearily. Besides, his mask was hanging down around his neck, and Donnie never seemed to notice it wasn't on his face no more. Big red flag right there!

Mikey watched Donnie stagger up the flight of stairs and enter his bedroom with weary worry. Don didn't know it. Mikey was sure of this. But Mikey also knew Don was the glue holding the family together in this hard time. He was the light that kept them near. And Mikey was scared that the light was going to go out if they didn't start taking better care of it.


	4. 04-Dark

Dark

Mikey bolted from his nightmare with a strangled scream. The Nothing! The Nothing is coming to get him! Still confused, and only half-awake, the three-year old stared around him with, wide, terrified eyes. The inky blackness pressed against him from all sides. Dark, black and dangerous. There was no light. It was the nothing! The nothing was everywhere! It ate up all the light! "Noo!"

Mikey screamed and kept screaming as loud as he could, while tears streamed down his cheeks in an uninterrupted flood of pure misery. The nothing ate the lights. It ate everything else. Now it's going to eat him all up! To try to save himself from being eaten, he dove under the tattered orange blanket and shook. Only his eyes were visible from under it.

Leo was the first to wake up. Pulling his trusty blue blanket tighter, he crawled over to where Mikey was. "You okee?" He asked, with a yawn. "Want me to go get Daddy?"

"No, Nothing done eated up Leo." Was the only answer Leo got for his pains. Leo sighed. Not this again. "I's Okee. I's right here. Won't let the nothing hurt you."  
"Or eat me up?" Mikey whimpered, distrustfully.

"Or let you get eated up."

"Dat's what the nothing say to sneak me. He tooked Leo's voice!"

A fresh wave of screaming caused Leo to cover his ears, and almost made him scream too.

"Too Woud!" Raph said, having no problem with screaming over Mikey. "Twing to Sweep ova Heya! Big Poop-head!"

"Notta Poo-head!" Mikey screamed back. "Da nothing ated up Raphie too! And got all his meanies!

"Stop being too woud!"

"Raphie, yelling is mean." Leo broke in, frowning as he lifted his own voice to be heard over the others yelling.

"Don cawe, Tupid."

"Stop being a meanie!"

"Ya not my Dada!" Leo screamed, forgetting about Mikey in his anger at Raphie.

Donnie, who even at three, didn't speak more than five words yet, silently slipped over to where Mikey huddled in a shivering mass. The growing fight between Leo and Raphie had distracted him enough to stop screaming, and now he watched in fearful fascination, wondering if the nothing could fight with itself or not. Donnie snuggled up to Mikey, until they were practically cheek to cheek, wrapped an arm around his shoulders,and started humming one of Splinter's lullabies soothingly. As time passed, Mikey stopped trembling. His tears slowly dried up and hesitantly began to hum along.

By then Leo and Raphie had long since moved from arguing to fighting. It came to a sudden halt when Splinter ran in to demand what all the racket was about. It didn't end too well for Leo and Raphie, but by then, Mikey and Donnie was asleep and managed to miss all the spanking.


	5. 05-Seeking Solace

Seeking Solace

Don silently ground his teeth together as he heard Leo lecturing someone in the background. Probably not Raph. Even in Raph's recent 'forbearing' mood, it would be a lot louder by now. NOt so one-sided. When Leo was gone, all Don wanted was for his oldest brother to come back home. But Now that Leo is back, well, he was starting to understand why Raph was so annoyed with the jerk all the time.

Pulling on a battered set of headphones over whatever constitutes ears on a turtle, Don proceeded to drown out, well, everything. He started typing again. Good thing too, Know was unusually popular tonight. Quickly, he checked his e-mail for new messages.

TecknoBat: New post up! Go read it when you want to, and have the time to. Got to fly. Family time, and I'll be gone a few days and stuff. Say hi to Party and Red for me!

Don smiled slightly at the chat that had popped on practically as soon as he logged on. He typed up a quick reply. Then he went back to his e-mails. There were five new ones waiting for him, while another chat popped up, A challenge from MoldyPhysist for a chess match. All the emails were from online friends, save one. April. He felt his heart break a little again, as he stared at the familiar and beloved name. Then he ignored it and turned to another to look over instead. Whatever April sent can wait till he was more emotionally balanced to deal with it.

He read through the other four, and made a mental note to answer them when everyone had gone to bed and he had a moment of real privacy. Then he opened up word, and loaded up a couple of documents in need of completing. One was the monthly budget. Leo mad not one peep about taking that particular duty back, and Donnie didn't mind. Out off all of them, this duty was one he was particularly good at. So he finished the last entries of that, and wrote up a brief article that he hoped would be good enough to send to this science magazine. All the while, playing chess against one of the most talented chess players he ever came up against. He might have even one, if it wasn't for the fourteen interruptions to go on patrol, fix something, fix someone, be whined to, or any number of things that the other four seemed to expect him to do without reward or thanks.

It was strange. He didn't have many real friends, even less human friends. He did also have his family. But now, it was not relaxing or comforting to be around any of them. He felt like he had to put on a show around them, an act. And if he let it slip even for a moment, he had to endure the rest of the day fulled of questions and demands to tell them what is wrong. It was draining. It was strange that he felt as though he could be more himself with these online friends, none of whom he ever knew their real names, tha with his friends and family. It was strange that the internet became a place to unwind, to seek solace from the crazy that was going on since Leo got back. And it was strange, how lately he been seeking a great deal of solace.


	6. 06-Breaking Away

Breaking Away

"Raph, where are you going?"

"Get off my shell, Don."  
"Raphie, what's the matter, dude?"

"Why don't ya ask Leo Jr. over there, Mikey? Ask Donnie!"

"Stop it! Stop calling me that! Why do you hate me? what have I ever done to you?"

Raph turned around to stare down Don with a withering glare. He crossed his arms, and took the stance that before was only reserved for one of those epic Leo/Raph battle of wills that tended to happen now and then. Don seemed to wither slightly under the glare, then took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. HIs own gaze hardened. "Raphael. I am in charge until Leo returns. I expect you to show me the same level of respect that you shown him, until then."  
He said, calm as a breezeless day, cold as a snowbank.

"Um, wouldn't that be, like, none?" Mikey wondered out loud, his brothers ignored him.

"Or what, mighty leader?" The sarcasm in Raph's voice fairly dripped off each letter and puddled on the floor. "Let me get one thing clear, Leo Jr. I don't take orders from any little kid!"

"I am the same age as you!" Donnie protested, shocked out of his cold demeanor for a moment. "That argument don't even make logical sense!"  
"Oh here we go wit dat logic crap. Logic this and logical that. get outta your head sometime and you'll realize we don't live in a logical world!"  
"well, rational sense then." Donnie sighed, not willing to go down that particular road taking a deep breath, he added, with only the slightest tremor in his voice to show that his emotions were trying to get the better of him. "You will obey me. And you best start now by telling me where you are going, and how long you expect to me."

"Shell! yer power-tripping!"  
Raph! Come on! Think about this! Is this the issue you really want to butt heads on?! It's simple common respect!"  
"Hey, Raph. Leo did leave command to Donnie." Mikey butted in, with wide, fearful eyes darting from one brother to the other and back. "He only wants to know where you're going. That's not a lot to ask, is it?"

Raph growled low. Reluctantly, he finally gazed at Mikey, and shrugged. "Nope, it ain't. But I can't let nerd-boy here think he can just boss me around."

"Raph, I am not trying to just boss you around." Donnie pleaded, forgetting that he had to be authoritative in his obvious need to be understood. ""I let you have your own way, for the most part. So, if I do ask you to do something, can't you just see that it's for a good reason? But you can't just ignore me whenever you feel like it! HOw would you feel if you were leader, and I did that to you?"  
"You are such a little shit, you know that?"  
"Hey! That is completely uncalled for!"

"No, it ain't!" Raph snarled back, aggressively getting into Donnie's space. "You are not in charge here! You will never be in charge!"  
"Look." Donnie said, raising his hands and taking a step back hurriedly. "I understand. And I am sorry you were not left in command. Really. I am. But I actually listened to Leo's reasoning behind his decision. And...and agreed to them. So" He gulped and said quickly, "And right now, I need to know where you are going."

Raph snorted. Reaching over, he gave Donnie's shoulder a hard shove. "Look." He snarled. "It was cute for a while. Lookie, the iddle bitty turtle's in charge. How sadorable. But it ain't cute no more. It's old. It's really old. I'm leaving. wanna stop me? Try!"

"Where?"

"Topside."  
"I...I already deduced that. W...where topside?

"you little...Stop it!" raph thundered, taking a menacing step forward, causing Donnie to take another nervous step back. HIs gaze became steel, His tone was dark, and seething. "You will never be Leo! Stop trying to be Leo! If you try this I'm Leo Jr. Obey me, I'll break ya. Got it?"

He turned and stormed off, slamming the door with enough force that a nearby picture fell over.

Don and Mikey stared at it for a moment. Then Mikey patted the taller's turtle's shoulder reassuringly with a hand that still shook. "Hey, don't worry, D! He's probably just going to hang with Casey, or something. He'll be back."

Don glanced at Mikey. Then wordlessly, he shrugged the hand away and walked off.

"Don't let him get to ya! He didn't mean it! He just…..he….you know what Raph's like!"

Don didn't answer. He went into his lab and closed the door behind him.

Mikey moped in the living room long after the argument was over, staring at the t.v. while he surfed the channels without seeing what was on any of them. He wondered what he could have done differently. Maybe, if he was quicker with words, smarter, he could have said something to defuse everything. He wished he was cleverer. But he's just dumb Mikey, and the situation got super ugly before he was even aware it happened. Hours after the fight, he still couldn't think of a thing he could have done different. So he stared at the television without seeing it, and tried hard not to think at all.

Raph dented a few trashcans. He busted a few purple dragons with Casey, and afterwards ended up at his friend's place, raving and ranting about what a little clone Donnie's becoming and how much he hated everything going on right now. How Leo should have made him leader, and not that little nerd.

Despite the angry words, he was feeling more guilty over the way he treated both Don and Mike with every hour that passed. Some of the things he said, it was way harsh. After the rage, he was turtle enough to own up to that much, to himself at least. But he was never good at apologizing. Besides, Donnie is a super smart turtle. Smarter than most humans! He's got to know Raph was just blowing steam. That none of it was personal, right?

Donnie spent the rest of the night in his lab, working hard at whatever he was able to grab at random. And brooded. Intellectually, he knew that Raph didn't mean any of what he said. And what he did mean, wasn't directed at him. Raph was more angry at Leo being away, then at him. But the rest of him was not nearly so convinced.

Raph's words kept replaying in his mind. "Shell, yer power tripping!" "I won't let nerd boy here think he can just boss me around." "You will never be Leo!" "I'll break ya!"

When the numbness wore off, and reaction took over, he dropped what he was working on and covered his face with his hands, as his body shook hard. "Raph's right." He said to himself in a dull, dead tone, "I'll never be as good as Leo."

And the first seeds of bitterness and self-doubt found fertile soil and took root.

That night, seven months after Leo left, the first breaking away of the brothers happened. And over time, the wounds grew and festered, and the break between the three brothers, especially between Raph and Don, grew ever wider.


	7. 07-Heaven

Author's note: This happened before the 2007 movie events. Also, YAY! A funny one! I hopefully wrote a funny one! Let's hope the jokes work...

"Heaven. I'm in heaven. And hy heart beats so that I can…."

"Awww! That is too cute."

"M...ikey!" Leo yelped, whirling to stare at the family baby brother.

"I can't believe how easy it is to sneak up on you when you're listening to that stuff." Mikey bragged playfully. "Not such a great ninja when your listening to show tunes, are ya?"

"Mikey, you! YOu have no right to be in my room!" Leo said sternly, as his shock shifted to indignation. "Get out now."  
"Is that any way to talk to your favorite brother?"  
"Funny, I don't see Donnie here."  
"Oh, har har." Mikey made a face. It was slowly became clear that he was determined to stick around. "Is that any way to talk to your rescuer?"  
"Excuse me?" Leo asked, raising an eye ridge.

"If I leave, you'll just go back to listening to more geeky music, right?"Mikey asked, then gasped in feigned shock. "YOu would! I must save you from geeky music! The bond of brotherhood will overcome the evil force of geeky musical magical enchantment!"  
Leo watched in disbelief, as MIkey struck up a heroic pose. A vein started throbbing on his forehead. "It's not geeky! It's great! Besides it's not showtunes. It's from a musical."  
"Whatever!" Still really lame-o."  
"Not as lame as you saying lame-o. That's, well, really lame."

"Says the king of all things geeky." Mikey retorted.

"Did you call?" came a meek voice from the door.

The two turned to face the newest arrival, as Donnie hovered at the door, a screwdriver in one of his hands.

"How long have you been there? Where are you going?" Leo asked nervously, sensing a team-up.

Donnie blinked, and answered slowly, as his expression slowly became sheepish. "Well, um, I was going to tighten the screws to the hinges on Raph's door. they got loose from all the slamming. I was passing by, when I heard one of you say something about the king of geeks, and thought you wanted me for something." Donnie blinked again. "So...you didn't need me?"

"Oh, um thanks?" Leo tried to sound polite, even though part of him wanted to shove the two unwanted brothers out into the hallway, and be alone again. But he had a bad feeling that the situation was spiraling out of control.

"No, I need your help, D! We got to save Leo from himself!"  
"Leo looks just fine to me."  
"That's what the geeky music fairy wants you to think!"  
Both older brothers smacked their hands to their faces. "I can't believe we are related." Leo groused.

"Come on, Donnie! You must assist me, beloved brother!" Mikey cut in with a melodramatic gesture.

"You managed to watch Amulet of the king without me?" Donnie deadpanned, with a weary smile.

"No way! You know I can't afford any copy that is any good!" Mikey protested.  
"Well, April is coming over, and she's bring the first film over with mer. We were going to watch it together, but…" Donnie said, his face slowly going red, and his eyes shining brilliantly at the amazing combination of seeing Companionship of the Amulet, with his sweet crush.  
"Shut up!" Mikey gasped, raising his hands up in the air. "She totally scored! I got to come see too! When is it?"  
At Mikey's words, Donnie deflated slightly. But before he could make up his mind to either tell his increasingly annoying brother when it would be good-naturedly, or tell the little brat to scat, a new song from Leo;s radio froze all conversation.

"They call you lady Luck! But there is room for doubt. Sometimes you have an unladylike way of running out…"

"Is that...a broadway song?" Don wondered, after a moment's stunned silence.  
Leo once again facepalmed. "Yes, yes it is. Do you have a problem with that?"  
"Dude! Everyone who appreciates music will have a problem with it!" Mikey interrupted impatiently before Donnie could respond. ""It 's musical suicide, bro!"

"As opposed to that lame song you're always humming?" Leo retorted defensively. "How does that go again? Go, ninja, go?"

"Apples and oranges, dude! That is a classic from a totally rad b-movie!"

"Isn't a b-movie short for bad movie?" Donnie cut in calmly, with index finger raised, in the manner he had when he wanted to make a point.

"Bro, seriously? B as in so bad that it is awesome!"  
"That makes no sense."

Fine, whatever! You guys keep being lame if you want!" Mikey huffed. He hurried off in a rare fit of temper. The two brothers left in the room stared at the door, then turned to stare at each other. Finally, Leo smiled. "Thanks."

"Any time."

"Oh, what a beautiful morning!

Oh , what a beautiful day!"

Grinning at each other, Leo and Don started singing together. "I got a beautiful feeling, everything's going my way!"


	8. 08-Innocence

Author's note: Sorry for the shortness of this post. It was all I can come up with. I like that it was about Leo, and not Mikey, like most people write about that I seen, though.

Leo lost his innocence when he first met Karai, and realized something. A part of him was tired of being the good son, the good brother, the good leader. He was tired, on some level, of being a goodie three toes. And the side that he was most sick of it all, would do whatever it takes to take care of number one.. of getting honor and respect. Give him power, he would do whatever it takes to keep it. A part of him was...not to be trusted.

It was the knowledge of how far the dark side in him is willing to go, that made him first lose all trust in the goodness of others. Ironically, it was going to the jungle that helped him recapture the beauty that humanity can show.

It was seeing the kindness shown by some of them that in some small way, allowed Leo to reclaim some of that lost innocence. And it was seeing a small child racing to greet his mother that first put the longing to go home into Leo's heart. to go back to his own family. April's unplanned visit only tipped the balance that much sooner than it would have otherwise been. And for that, Leo is grateful


	9. 09-Drive

Hey, journal. Yeah, it's me. Raph. Yeah, I'm amazed I'm still writing in this thing too. Master Splinter suggested that I go back to my journal. That it would help me deal with some stuff in my head. Eh, okay. Guess it couldn't hurt.

I have always been a driven turtle. Maybe that comes from being the second oldest of four boys? Don't know. Always had to prove myself, you know? Always had to be the best. And the main trouble is my biggest competition, Leo, is also pretty driven. This led to a lot of intense competition. And some pretty intense fights.

Donnie and Mikey have always seemed pretty laid-back, by comparison. Well, to be fair, Donnie can be pretty driven as well. He just never seemed to need to be the best the way that Leo and I did. He seems to be pretty content with doing his own personal best. No comparing with others, unless int's friendly competition. Or board games. Trust me when I say this, Donnie is pretty ruthless with a board seems to have absolutely no drive whatsoever, the bonehead.

Why do I feel like I have to be the best at everything? I dunno. It's like, constantly playing king of the mountain, it's tiring, it's even painful. But the view on the top can be pretty sweet.


	10. 10-Breathe Again

Okay. One minute. I can feel the sweat running down my face as I worked at the contraption the enemy of the week set up to kill us. There was still a large tangle of wires and explosives in front of me. Fun.

Hmm, red wire. Check! Oh, good. No big boom. So far so good.

Next wire, let me think. why am I sweating anyway? I'm a turtle. Turtles don't sweat. Black wire, check No boom. Keep going.

Fifty seconds. I wonder if I'm about to die? May I should just tell the others to make a run for it. Dang the sound-sensitive trigger! Um..there. Green wire, great. Still ticking, not so great. Five wires to go.

Forty seconds. Sewer apples! Um...I'm stuck here. Blue wire? Or green and blue? Which one is next! I really hope the guys don't figure out I'm starting to guess now...blue! Come on, no time to hesitate, commit! Oh, thank you! Thank you, whatever God is out there! Okay, that makes the next wire easy. Green and blue. Wait a minute...twenty seconds! NO fair! No fair no fair!

Gah, just calm down. Wait, I don't have time to calm down!Um...okay, focus then. Orange! Check. Whew. Three to go. Then I'm going to die either way. By boom or an aneurysm **.**

Okay, brown is next? Or is it the grey! Ahh! I can't work with all this pressure! Ack! No time! Fifteen minutes! Errrrrr…..Grey….no, wait! Brown.

One more after the grey. Annnnd, Done! The bomb is completely defused. Nobody died in a massive explosion of flying limbs and innards today. I...I think I can breathe again. And I better, before I faint from stress ande lack of oxygen. when did I start holding my breath anyway? And a whole seven seconds to spare. Maybe I might faint anyway. Or that Aneurysm is going to hit about now.

I smiled weakly, and announce, "Okay, and done."

The smile turned wry when I heard Leo say confidently. "See? I told you Donnie had everything under control."


	11. 11-Memory

I am writing a report. It is about Memory. It is the sticky stuff in your brain that help you remember what happened in your past. I think it's a lot like a spiderweb. Father wanted us to write a report of a hundred words. I asked Donnie and Mikey for ideas. There is no real reason to ask Raph. I don't even think he is going to do the report. Mikey said he was going to write about worms. Well, good for him. But when he tried to think of a new idea for me, well, it looked like it kind of hurts his brain. Donnie didn't let me know what he was going to write about. Not even a hint. But he gave me so many ideas, it made my head swim. Where does he keep all of them? So I took the first one I remember, and wrote about memory. Because that is the first one I remembered. I told you about this talk for a real reason. When it happened yesterday, it was in the now. I was living it. But today, it is a memory. This is a living example of a memory in action. Thank you. Father, I hope this is a hundred words. I didn't want to count, but it looks right. Hamato Leonardo age 7 


	12. 12 Insanity

Insanity

 **(I just wanted to say a few things. One, sorry for it being so late. I wanted it to be a halloween gift, but then promptly lost the notebook. Boo, me. I know. Also, I do not own the turtles, nore do I completely own the plot. This is to pay homage to a brilliant writer and comic creator. Tigerfog, who Created the marvel known as MNT Gaiden. Seriously, I am a huge fan!)**

"Ever wonder what would happen if Donnie ever cracked?" Mikey asked as he stared moodily at the door of Donnie's lab where strange sounds was heard from the others.

"Wonder? Raph snorted from beside Mikey where he leaned on the wall with his arms folded. " I think he's at least halfway there!"  
Mikey turned to him, and noted with worry that though the tone of his older brother was pretty casual, his eyes were worried.

"what makes you say that?"  
"One word. Hiccups."

Mikey blinked. Of all the answers he was expecting, hiccups wasn't even on the list. "Huh? HIccups? What are you yapping about, Raph?"

Raphael glanced at him from out of the corner of his eyes. "Wassa matter, you forget or something?"

"Raphie, I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Heh, guess you're blocking that memory or something. Funny, you were the one with the hiccups."  
He sighed and his eyes slid back to stare at the door. "I guess I can tell ya. But I warn you, you'll never look at Donnie the same way again."  
"No worries dude. I know he's weird."

Mikey, you have no idea."

"Come on, just tell the story already. You are just teasing me now."

Raph smirked at the whine that was starting to creep in the younger turtle's voice as he talked. It was so easy to mess with him. Too bad, he wanted this story to be part of the prank. HIs smile faded slightly. He still had nightmares.

"Well, guess it won't hurt telling ya."

"Dude, just tell the story already! Stop stalling! Spill!"  
"Alright, already! Geesh. It happened when we were ten or something like that." Raph said with reluctance in his voice, now that teasing Mikey seemed to have worn a little thin, and a twinkle in his eyes. "And you had one of the worst hiccups I have ever seen so far."

"Really? I think you're pulling my shell here. I don't remember any of this."  
"What did you see on t.v. last week?"

"Umm…" Mikey thought for a moment, then slumped as his face turned bright red.

Raph smirked. "Think I proved my point here." He gloated. "Anywho, Those hiccups lasted weeks. Literally weeks. Got on all of our nerves. At last, Leo decided enough was enough. And he got Don, and me over fer a little meeting…"

"Okay, operation Hiccup is now on the table." Leo announced as his brothers joined him at the kitchen table.

"Lamest code name ever." Raph griped.

"Sorry the name didn't meet with your exacting standards, Raph." Leo retorted scathingly.

Raph growled, and started rising from the seat he just took, but a hand grabbed him by the arm. "Focus guys." Don said calmly. "We got to focus on how we can best help Mikey right now."

Leo took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're right, Don. Now can anyone tell me a good way of curing this thing?"  
"I already went through the list of common cures, even the stupid ones." Don said, frowning slightly. "Nothing worked so far."  
"Like what?"

"Well, drinking water really fast. Holding your breath, exercising, standing on your head. Shell, I even had Raph try to scare him a few times."  
"Well, let's go over them again. Only this time, we take it to the extreme."

"Whatcha mean?" Raph asked, ridges raised in curiosity.

"Well, instead of making him drink water or holding his breath, we dunk him in water. Instead of making him do some jumping jacks, we put him through the longest, hardest work-out of his life."

"Oh!" Donnie added interrupting excitedly. "There is also scaring him. I can think of a few good ideas. But I am kind of scared of traumatizing him."

"Yeah, right." Raph snorted. "Like we'll ever have to worry about that happening."  
"what are you trying to say?" Donnie asked, turning red as his eyes narrowed. "Think I can't be scary, do you?"

"What I am saying is a fluffy little bunny is scarier than you are, Nerd-boy."

Don's face darkened with growing rage and this time, it was Leo who stepped in to defuse the situation. "Guys. Try to remember why you are here. Argue later."  
"Right. Sorry."

"Yeah, whatever. So what is the plan?"

"Hmm. I think we pretty much have a plan together. I will do the workout. Raph you sca…..er, no. You do the water dunking. Just remember he's a turtle, not a fish. And Don, you do the scaring."

"Leo! You gotta be kidding!" Raph began, but Don cut in with a dark glare at Raph. "I won't let you down, Leo."

"I am sure you won't." leo nodded, with a slight smile. "You'll do just fine."  
Donnie raced off, leaving Raph free to vent. And vent he did. "What the shell are you thinking, Leo? Donnie is going to scare Mikey? Donnie can't scare anyone! Sure you don't want to ask anything a little more scary? Like, I don't know, a Smurf! Oh, I know! Thumper! Call Thumper! Let me get Disney on the line."  
"Are you quite finished?" Leo asked after listening for several minutes.

"Why him, Leo?"

"Because you go too far."

"He won't go nearly far enough."

"This is Mikey. He's still scared of the boogie man."  
"He also is the one who laughed his way through Arachnophobia."

Leo shuttered at the memory. "Okay, yes. That was pretty creepy."

The two sat in thought. Finally Leo sighed. Raph, just let him try. We most likely won't need it, since his is last. And if he fails, then you can try."

"Now that is a plan I can get behind."

The next day, Operation Hiccup went into motion. Raphael was first. Somehow, he had managed to rig up a chain and pulley system over the pool in the living room. Leo took one look at it, and covered his face with a hand with a groan. Mikey, the hiccup sufferer, took one look and tried to run for it.

"Whoa!" Raph laughed as he and Leo grabbed the frightened hiccuper. "This is for your own good!"

"No it's n'hic' not! This is revenge for 'hic' the fake ants on the c'hic' couch!"

"No it's not!" Raph protested, then paused and added with a smirk as he continued pulling the hapless victim to the edge of the pool. "Mostly."

"M...ostly!" Mikey squeaked, struggling against the grip of his brothers "I don't wanna do 'hic' this! I lo 'hic' love hiccups!"

"Relax. Stop this, Mikey." Leo said in his most calming tones. "I'll keep an eye on him."

"Pro 'hic' Promise?"

"Promise."

Thus reassured, Mikey allowed himself to be attached and dunked for varying lengths. The last time, Raph left him down past the fast minute mark, and got a serious dressing down from Leo.

Mikey was, when he was let free, was chilled to the bone, cleaner than when they had started, and hiccuping much worse than ever.

By contrast, Mikey welcomed Leo's workout with enthusiasm. As Leo led him through the various exercises as fast as he could, Leo had to wonder if Mikey was venting frustration over Raph treating him like some kind of living green teabag. When it was over at last, Mikey dropped where he stood. On the up side, it managed to wear even the hyper Mikey out. Unfortunately, Mikey's hiccups was no better.

As Leo led Mikey over to Donnie's lab, with the excuse that the reclusive turtle needed to get out for a while, his heart sank. He had perfect faith that Don would try his best, of course. He was sure that Don was ready. He had sounded the signal that was agreed upon. But he had no real faith in the plan, when Raph's dunking fright didn't help much.

He was far from sure that Don was able to pull this off.

He paused at the door, eye ridges drawn low in thought. What was that thumping sound? Mikey didn't hesitate at all. "Dude!" He called out as he entered into the spare room Donnie now used for his budding repair work and study. "How long a'hic' are you going to 'hic' going to stay shut up...what the shell?!"

Leo's ridges shot up at the sound of Mikey's outcry. He followed hurriedly. What he had found there sent a shiver of ice down his spine.

The room was not as dark as he had expected. In fact it was almost too bright for comfort. It was also starkly clean. All but the corner where Donnie stood, wearing the lab coat that was a gift from Splinter. He was glaring at the two. "Can't you knock?" He snapped.

As Leo stared, a part of him was in awe of his meek brother's construct. The rest of him was horrified beyond thought. There was, well, some misshapened lump at Don's feet. The walls was splattered with red. Some of it rusty brown, some was brilliant red. Whatever was on the wall was also heavily splattered on Don's lab coat.

Then Leo's dread doubled when he noticed that Don had his bo in hand. It was splintered and broken on one side and was practically dripping red.

"Donnie!" Mikey sputtered, gesturing wildly as he yelled. "What the...who is….What the shell, man! What the shell are you doing?!"

Donnie looked around him as though searching for something. The annoyance faded slowly. He looked at the staff and sighed sadly. "I wish these things wouldn't break so often." He looked up and smiled his old familiar smile. HIs normal behavior made the chill going up and down Leo's spine that much more pronounced. Shell! Don was only acting. Right?

"well, since you are here, uninvited I might add, just give me a moment to clean up, and I'll be right with you. Hey, Mikey? A hand here?"  
When Don moved a few steps toward his younger brother, an and outreached, Mikey seemed to wake up. "Don't you dare come near me!" he screamed. "Raph! Splinter! Don gone nuts!"

"What's wrong, Mikey?" Don asked, his face taking on an expression of concern, as he took another step closer. Mikey screamed again, skipping back hastily.

Don's acting so normal, Leo almost believed that this was some crazy dream. A pinch relieved him of that idea. "Don! You went too far." he said sternly. His brain buzzed with fear and worry.

"Too far?" Don asked cocking his head to the side, as he had a habit of doing with something got his curiosity. "What are you talking about?"

Leo's eyes widened even more, and he found himself backing up as well. "D..Don! That is not f...funny!"

"I do have a rather evolved sense of humor. But this time I have no idea what joke you are talking about." Don said, blandly, as his ridges drew together, as though in thought or worry. "Are you guys feeling okay?'

The quiet, rational words with the normality of his manner, clashed so starkly with the blood splattered lab coat and the broken bo made Leo want to scream. But before he could do more than stare back, however, Raph arrived with a resounding slam of the already abused door. "What the shell is all the noise about?" he glared at Leo and Mikey, before his gaze drifted to Don. "I was watching Die ha….What the shell?!"

"Ah, Raph." Don smiled as though in relief. "Great!" Grabbing his arm, he started pulling him toward the corner where the lump laid in a spreading pool of red. As he pulled, he continued chatting animated. "Leo and Mikey needed me for something, I suppose. But they got shy for some strange reason. So, I need your help in moving this, and maybe they will act more like themselves."  
"You're supposed to be scaring Mikey, not me! You twit!" Raph snarled, as he struggled against Don's grip. He had a rough time of it, Don's grip was the strongest with his bo training.

Don looked at him with a strange expression. "Huh? are you scared of something? Why was I supposed to scare Mikey, anyway?"

"Shell, Don! Don't get buried in yer part." Raph hissed as he bent over the bundle. Then he yelped and jerked back so fast from it, that he slipped on the puddle and landed hard on his rear.

"That's the body of a turtle like us!" He yelled, with a freaked-out expression. Then he looked down. And screeched. "I'm in blood! I'm sitting in turtle blood!"

"Are you okay?" Don asked worriedly, as he put a hand on Raph's shoulder, looking down at him worriedly. "Do you need help getting up?"

"Don't touch me, you wack job! Don't touch me! Where did the turtle come from? What did you do?!"

Don's face went slowly very still. HIs voice flattened to a dead monotone. "He..was a clone. But he was...less than perfect. It had to be gotten…..disposed of."

Don's three brothers stared at him. Finally Raph broke the stillness. "Shell! Don!" he jumped up and ran for the others. He stood in front of them, and glared at the tallest of his brothers, as though to make sure he didn't rush the other two.

At the same time, Leo gulped hard and said sternly. "you went too far, Don! Much too far."

"All imperfections must be removed." Don answered in that same creepy, flat voice.  
It was too much for Mikey. He raced out the door, screaming frantically "Splinter! Donnie's crazy! He killed someone! Splinter! Donnie's killed a turtle!"

Leo and Raph lost no time in following. Turning, they slammed the door shut behind them, and leaned against it in case Donnie got it in his head to go after them or escape.

It was then that, as they caught their breath, that they noticed two things. Mikey, who was still screaming, was no longer hiccuping. And the other was that Donnie on the other side of the door was laughing his shell of. Wide green eyes turned to stare into wide blue eyes. Finally, Raph growled. "I'm gonna kill em."

"I'll help."

We never speak of this again."  
"Agreed."

Donnie smiled slightly as he heard Raph tell the story on the other side of the door. Smiling fondly, he remembered that day. Remembered the lecture he got at the hands of Splinter, after he explained that he was only trying to help his brother get better. His eyes lingered fondly on the chest, where his surgical dummy was currently housed. "Guess they learned never to underestimate us that day, huh Leon?" He asked softly. The dummy didn't answer, of course.


	13. 13 Misfortune

13\. Misfortune

"Where is it?"

Leo looked up from his paper and tea to behold an unusual sight. Donnie, normally not the most active of his brothers in the morning, not even down most mornings until everyone else had crawled out of bed, was franticly darting from one cupboard. He watched, with wide eyes, and slightly open mouth as Donnie started chanting under his breath as he continued his frantic search through the kitchen. "It's gotta be here. Where is it? Where is it? Why is it hiding from me? Where is it?"

"Where is what?" Leo asked after a good five minutes of watching his normally rational brother act like he should change his look to include a white jacket.

Whirling around, Donnie gasped with his hand on his plastron. "Leo! You nearly had me jump through my skin!"

"Oh, you're shedding." Leo said dryly. "that would explain a few thing."

"I...what?"

Leo rolled his eyes and put his paper down. Why did he get the feeling that this was going to be a very interesting day? "Donnie, what are you looking for?" A sudden thought turned his blood cold. It would be a real unfortunate turn of events. But it would explain so much. "Donnie, are you out of coffee?"

"What! No, of course not!" Donnie snorted, as he crossed his arms before him. "I still have five cans."

"Then let me repeat myself. What are you looking for?"

"My coffee filters!" Donnie exploded, waving his formerly crossed arms in sudden wild abandon in his agitation. "I had plenty last night, and now. Poof. Zip. They are all gone."

"What could have happened to your…."

"Mikey! I'm going to tear your shell off!"

"Hee hee! What's the matter, Ralphie? Don't like snow?"

The two brothers in the kitchen stared at each other, with wide eyes, as pure pandemonium erupted outside. Finally, Donnie said in a voice that Leo couldn't figure out what emotion was behind it. "Leo you don't think that he would…"

Leo thought about it for a moment then his eyes got even wider, and the two rushed to the living room in time to see two green blurs disappear into the sewers. There was a path of white from the upstairs bedrooms all the way out the door. Leo watched as Donnie walked over to the trail and pick some off the floor. The next instant, he had his bo staff in his hand as he joined in the ever fun game of who can reach Mikey first to bludgeon or stab him to death.

Leo waited a moment, then walked to the trail and knelt down. Snowflakes. Thousands and thousands of tiny, perfectly cut-out snowflakes, all in the delicate white paper that Leo strongly suspected were Donnie's missing coffee liners.

"This idea was created for your misfortune, Mikey," He said to himself, with a winch of sympathy at the sudden cries of pain from somewhere down the sewer tunnel.


	14. 14-Smile

"Come on, Raphie! You gotta!"

"Don't call me Raphie! You know I hate that!"

"Would you if I don't call you Raphie?"

"Let me think. No. now get that outta my face!"

"Aww, come on! I know you wanna!"

"No I don't wanna. I will never 'wanna' and another thing! This is one stupid idea! You had some real doozies, but this one is by far the dooziest, most stupid ideas of all stupid Mikey ideas!"

"Leo did it! Leo didn't think it was stupid!"

"Leo is a serious brown nose too."

"But Raph!" Mikey whines, as he set his camera down. I need your picture to make the album complete for Father's Day, and all yours make you look like your about to tear some poor guy's head off! You gotta smile!"

"There! I smile! Happy?"

"But...but, I didn't have my camera ready!"

Raph smirked and started walking away. "I know."

"Raphie!" Mikey whined, racing after him, camera in hand again. "Stop being so mean! Smile when I'm ready for it!"

"Sorry, I only got one smile a day in me. Miss it, your loss."

"Aww, Raph!"


	15. 15-Silence

15\. Silence

Breathe in. Breathe out. Release all your inner stresses. Breathe them all away.

Breathe in peace. Breathe in serenity.

Breathe out your anger…..like that time Raph punched you in the face for apparently no good reason….and the fight afterwards….just let it go on your next exhale.

Breathe in the peace that comes when Raph does something nice. Or protects one of the younger brothers. Let the awareness of his goodness bring peace…..even thought that goodness is buried pretty deep under that rock he calls a head….no. We will not continue down that path. We are cleansing ourselves of our anger, not letting it fester.

Let out all you frustration. Let those last pranks that Mikey pulled on you…..all five of them…...in one day….ride away from your awareness. Imagine a wave that washes the frustration away...so far you can't see it anymore.

Too bad I will still see the bright blue shell he painted on your back after the next, oh I don't know, a hundred showers! Though, give credit where credit is due, the map of Japan over the blue in the center was very skillfully painted….Don't brood on the pranks or the other annoyances that your littlest brother inflict…..er, tests you with….

Let it all go…..let it go…..let it go….cannot hold it back anymore…..Let it go...Let it go...turn the key and...gah! What am I doing! Okay, let go of that movie too. The one that Mikey had officially seemed two hundred forty-three times in the last three months! Just let it all wash away. Let it all go…..without singing that song again in your head, if you don't mind!

Let go of every aggravation and worry. Let all your worries fly away like butterflies. Yes, there they go. Pretty butterflies.

Don't worry about that cough of Donnie's. You got him in bed, he is now medicated and resting….though he was awfully easy to convince this time….I sure hope it's not more serious than I first suspect. He does not take care of himself at all...and you know, his skin felt really hot...No! do not follow this path any longer. You did all you can. He will be fine soon.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in the peace of a mind at rest. Breathe out all the troubles that cause imbalance. Breathe in. Breathe out. Don't even think about how old Splinter is getting! What will be, will be. Be calm. Breathe in. Long deep breathe. Breathe out. Deep breathe out and release every negative emotion. Breathe in the light of life.

"Leo! Whatcha doing?"

Note to self. Get some earplugs for the next meditation session...


	16. 16-Questions

"Why is the sky blue?"

"Why are runny eggs good and runny noses bad?"

"What makes a plant green?"

"Why is blood red?"

"When will dinner be ready?"

"Why is honor so important?"  
"Why can't I hit Mikey? He's being so annoying!"

"Why can't I read this book? Isn't it vital for young turtles to receive a constant flow of new ideas?"

"Where do babies come from?"

"Why do we have to eat worms and alga so much?"

"What is the basic composition of the chemical that mutated us?"

Ever since the turtles first came into Splinter's life, he had been bombarded with questions. Especially from Donatello. But the hardest question came from Michelangelo when he was about ten. He had been withdrawn of late. This was not the norm by any means, for my socially gifted son.

Fortunately, Splinter did not have very long to wait before getting to the bottom of it. One day when I was getting my sons ready for bed, Michelangelo nestled at his side and looked up into his father's face with big wistful eyes. "Daddy?"

"Yes, little one?"  
"Are we good guys?" His youngest asked, staring with startling intensity into the eyes of his Father.

"Yes, of course, we are."

"Then why do all the humans act like we are bad guys?"  
Splinter stared at his youngest. Mikey stared back, in unblinking silence Those young eyes were too wise for their own good. Even his youngest was starting to understand the grim reality of their existence. In the end, all he knew to do was to gather him in his arms and whisper a vow. "Someday, my son. Someday you will show them how amazing you are."


	17. 17-Blood

There was so much of it! So much blood. Rivers of blood. Hungry oceans of red. Some of the rivers split as it flowed from the main source, and meandered into nothingness. Only drying threads of rust.

And the source of the flood laid so still. So heartbreakingly still. Leo fell on his knees by his side. With shaking hands, he smoothed the downed figure's sweating brow. "I...your going to be okay. Just...just hold on."

The eyes open. After a moment, the glazed eyes found Leo's and his pale face shifted into a wan smile. "h...hey, Bro."

"Help is on the way."

"Will I...I be?"

"Of course! Your strong!"  
"If I don't….Don't...let Mikey grieve too...much…"  
"Raph... please. Don't talk like that!"

"Love ya, Leo."  
"Raph. Your fine." Leo said, hoping he didn't sound as helpless as he felt. HIs other hand found Raph's and he gave the cold hand a squeeze. Then his face lit up.

"Mikey! I found their signal! Over here!"  
"See, they are here! I told you they will be. You'll be okay. You'll see."

"yeah, Leo." Raph mumbled, as lids slid closed over green eyes.  
"Shit." He heard Mikey breath, about the same time as he felt hands firmly shove him to the side as Donnie stepped into where Leo was.

"Mikey, wrap that leg good and tight. Like I showed you." Donnie said, in the commanding tone he only used in a medical emergancy. "Leo, we need to find a way to get him warm. Go see if there is a spare blanket in that shack back there!"

Leo wasted a precious second glancing at Mikey. Mikey's eyes were wide and scared, but he instantly followed Donnie's instructions, with sure, deft movements of gentle hands. Leo was amazed he was able to keep his cool like that. His estimation of the baby brother went up several notches.

Collecting himself, he hastened to obey. For the moment, he was not the one in charge, and he never been so grateful in his life.

There was so much blood! Leo never before hated blood so much in his life.


	18. 18-Rainbow

18\. Rainbow

Turtles age 7

"Rainbows are like, totally great!" Mikey gushed as he stood in front of the tumble-down, makeshift classroom. "They are every color a color can be! Seeing a rainbow in the sky makes everyone, like, totally beam!"

Splinter sat at the side of the classroom, nearest the door, leaning on the small folding table that made up his teacher's desk. He hid a smile as he heard the hyper seven-year-old chatter excitedly on.

A week ago, he had assigned a two-hundred word paper for the four charges to do. He thought it would make an interesting topic for them. They had all, more or less, done it. But only Michelangelo has shown any enthusiasm for the topic. In fact, looking at Raphaels scolding face, and Donatello' bored one, he wished he had picked something a little more boyish. Maybe weapons.

Leo had gone first, his paper was perfectly correct and perfectly boring. It sounded like he lifted a good deal directly from the encyclopedia. His face, a perfect mask of respectful blandness gave his Father no clue of what was going on inside his head.

Raphael's was full of passion, but mostly railing against the project and about how rainbows were girly and babyish and he don't like them. Splinter wondered if a punishment was not due. But the boy was just being honest. And he had seen the paper. The rant was exactly two hundred words. What was he going to punish him for?

Donatello's was as bland as Leonardo's was, but sounded more original. And more diverse. There were the scientific facts behind the creation of the rainbow in the sky, and a glancing mention of various stories on what the rainbow means from various myths and religions. He was proud of this one. Even though Donatello had less than no interest in the topic, he had still managed to write a well-researched paper, and since it was five pages long, was considerably more words than Splinter originally asked for.

Michelangelo's paper, which he hardly ever even looked at since he started talking, was a hundred words, at most, Splinter suspected. Only one side was covered, and Mikoangelo still wrote big for his age. So he won't get the highest grade. Especially with most of the words being miss-spelt and the handwriting practically unreadable.

But as he listened, Splinter had to shake his head in wonder. Michelangelo had to have added several hundred words to the oral version of his paper. He would have to adjust the grade accordingly for the verbal recovery. But as Michelangelo talked, and talked. And talked more. Splinter felt his ears droop as his chin rested heavily against his fist. Hundreds? Try thousands.


	19. 19-Grey

19\. Gray

His eyes were open. He knew they were open because whenever reached up to see, he felt them flutter closed. He felt them slide up again, halfway, like a bird fluttering in uncertain bravery, not sure if danger is near or not. He felt his eyes slide around behind his lids. Yes, his eyes were definitely there. Then why can he only see gray?!

Gray clouds swam across his vision, against a lighter grey background. Grey threads reach out to the edge of his sight, with sparkling pulses of tiny silvery-grey balls running endlessly in those thread paths. He was fairly sure that he knew what those grey threads were. Blood Vessels behind his eyes, visible now because there was nothing but grey before him. Nothing to distract the eye from what was going on behind and in them.

Sometimes the grey receded a little, and he saw white, or white-yellow. And could barely make out shapes moving around. Then he would get excited about the possibility that his sight was going back. But it alway faded back to dark grey.

He tried to hide it for several days, when his vision first started to go. When the words on the page would inexplicably fade out for a moment at a time. He thought nothing of it. Thought it would work itself out. But yesterday, when He woke up to a grey world of shapeless nothing, he knew something was very, very wrong. He faked a cough and was able to stay in bed, but today the grey was black, and he knew he could not avoid it any longer.

Blundering down the stairs, he managed to make his way to the kitchen thanks to his excellent memory. But once he was past the door frame, he got lost. He could hear humming, and a brisk rattle of pans. Mikey was there cooking breakfast. He followed the sound of the rattling. He was somewhat sure the table was a little to the left. But he was further left than he thought, and caught his foot on a chair leg.

"Woah!" Mikey's voice sounded as a pair of arms caught him. "Careful! Wow, Donnie! You really need coffee today!"

"Mikey? I...thanks."  
"No prob bro."

He felt himself be eased back to his feet. Finding the chair, he eased around it, and felt the table. He heard the pans rattle again, so he thought he was somewhat safe from detection for the moment. But a minute later, he found out differently.  
"Wow, Donnie. You are more out of it than normal. Are you still sick or what?"

"I'm fine." Donnie said, automatically. He sighed at Mikey's snort and darted toward where he thought his coffee machine was. Whatever happened, a cup of coffee would make him feel better. He needed an act of normal to calm his racing heart.  
"Ack!" He heard Mikey, sound far closer than he felt he should be. Something grabbed his hand, and yanked it back. "Careful! What are you doing?"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Don…" He heard a worried sigh. Then a relieved. "Leo! Thank you! Get over here!"

"What is it?" Leo asked, sounding worried. Oh. Shell.

"Something is mega wrong with Donnie!" Mikey exclaimed, sounding panicky again. Donnie wondered if his ears was going to start to bleed soon. "He almost put his hand on a hot burner!"

"What?"

"On the burner! He was about to just slap his hand on the burner!"

Donnie felt himself being led somewhere by a pair of gentle hands. He didn't know if it was Leo that was doing the leading, or Mikey or both. He felt himself start to shake. He almost burned himself? How the shell? He should know the lair better than this. He lived here! He should be able to fix himself. What is wrong with himself? What is going on? They are going to know! How can he hide it? What is he going to do?! What the shell is he going to do?

"Relax." Leo's voice said reassuringly. Donnie found himself being tenderly pushed into a chair. It felt like the recliner. It's familiar feel did nothing to alleviate his shaking. It only made it worse. Picturing the living room he should be able to see. And one worry-wart eldest brother hovering like an over-large fly. Why does their turtle luck seem so determined to make him it's especial pet anyway?!

"Shh...Donnie, everything is okay." Leo said soothingly. Donnie felt a hand over his forehead. Then both on either cheek. He already knew there was no fever. The derp. "Mikey. Go get Splinter." Leo said, but Donnie went from silently panicking to a full-blown attack at those words. "No!" he gasped as the air in his lungs started to solidify. "No! Please!"

"Shhh. Deep breaths." Leo said, his voice sounded so full of worry that Donnie can so easily hear despite the older brother's attempt to hide the fact, that Donnie's panic attack started to mount instead of dissipate.  
"Sokay Bro." Mike's voice chimed in, sounding both sympathetic and cheerful somehow. He felt a set of hands rub his neck and back soothingly. "What's wrong, D?"

Donnie felt himself slowly relax between the two. His breathing slowly eased. The shakes faded. But still, the inky blackness that was all of his vision, intersected with swirl and threads of dark grey, was there. It was not fading. And it had his body stay tense, his hands to grip the arms in a death grip.

"D? What's wrong?"  
"Donnie? You're going to be okay, right?"

"No." Donnie spoke at last, in a tight, strained voice that sounded strange to his ears. "No, I won't be alright. I...I can't see. I can't see. And now I'm useless!"

"Donnie!"

"I can't see, Leo! I can't see! What can I do if I can't see!?"

Somehow saying it made the whole situation real to him for the first time since the start of this decent into madness. He felt arms wrap around his shoulders with a protective air, as he started to sob on a shoulder. From the smell, sweet and with a faint air of bubblegum, dried paint, the dusty smell of flour, and tomato sauce, he figured the shoulder belonged to Mikey. But he was beyond caring. "I'm blind." He sobbed.

He heard faint footsteps and figured Leo went off to get Father….Master Splinter. Again, he couldn't work himself to care. "I'm blind! Of what mortal good am I if I'm blind!"

"Shhh, you're still my fave bro! I bet there are lots of things you can do, blind that nobody else can do when they can see. Lots!"  
"Name one."  
And Mikey's uncertain silence caused Donnie to sob all the harder.


	20. 20-Fortitude

20\. Fortitude

"Okay, you got past the clearing in the woods and are about to re-enter the woods itself. A rustle is heard to your right. It could be anything, but the stillness that falls is unsettling. What do you do?" Leo declared, looking up from behind the screen, with a glint in his blue eyes that his brothers did not like.

"I am going to get my sword out, just to be safe." Raph said quickly, eyeing Leo warily.

"I am going to look around for clues of what could be causing the rustling and/or stillness." Donnie said, after a moment's thought. "It pays to look before you leap, Raph."  
"I'm not doing anything, just keeping my weapon ready!" Raph snapped defensively.

"Both are good ideas. Mikey?"

"Hmm? Oh. I dart into the woods and take cover behind a brush. Then I wait to see what comes out."  
"That….is a good idea." Leo said, in surprise. Then he coughed and added in a more detached tone. "Okay. Raph has his sword out. Donnie, roll a D20."

"19!"  
"Good, you notice that there is a terrible smell coming from the brush and that several trees seem to be shoved hard to the side. Some of them don't bounce back."  
"Oh, shell. Are we dealing with trolls, giants or something new?"  
"Roll on your nature lore"  
"Oh, man. It has to be a giant...hmm, 16, add my +2 from my nature lore, and my intelligence bonus?" He paused and glanced at Leo, who shrugged and nodded with a light smile on his face. "Okay, then at +7 with my intelligence modifier, and that would 25."  
"Oh My gosh! I wish I was that smart!" Mikey said with eyes wide.  
"Yeah, me too." Raph smirked, as he reached over to lightly smack the ear-wearing turtle on the head. "Instead of, you know, negative five!"

"Hey! My character is normal. At 11!"

"Great, you can walk and breath at the same time…"  
"Let's get back to the game, okay. Don, I knew you were going to roll pretty high, but that actually was just short of knowing everything here. But I handed you a note with what your character would have been able to figure out."  
"Hmph, no wonder you let me use my intelligence modifier," Dom griped as he grabbed the paper with ill-grace.  
"Mikey, you are the first to see what is coming. You made it to the brush, no problem. But now you got to roll for fortitude."  
"What! Why?"  
"Roll and find out…" Leo said, smiling creepily.

Mikey gulped, and reached with shaking hands for his dice. He rolled, and Then grinned. "Alright! 18!"  
"You avoid all damage….for now." Leo commented as Donnie looked up from the note with an expression of dread. "More and more trees fall as the beings come near. The smell is amazingly strong! Still, only Mikey sees the nightmare that now awaits you."  
"I am covering my lower face with the scarf I always wear around my neck for just such an emergency." Donnie interjected hastily.  
"Why did you start wearing that anyway?" Raph asked, raising an eye ridge.

"Two words, Mikey's chili."  
"Ooh, yeah. Good one. That would have made me make up a new spell for air freshener."  
"Air for…...Raph, you're a genius!"

"I am?"

'Raph, what do you do?"  
"I run to where Mikey is to see what is coming. My sword is at the ready."  
"Wait, Don't!" Don cried out, as Mikey High-fived Raph.

"Too late. Both Mikey and Raph must roll a fortitude roll now."

"Fifteen." Mikey said, frowning slightly in worry.  
"Same…" Raph added.

"Your luck is holding. Let's see how long that would last. More trees fall and Raph sees what Mikey sees. But now even Donnie sees what is coming." Leo said as he smacked down three misshapen lumpy grey figures, somewhat looking like giants on the board. They just seem less...real somehow, than most giants, and were bluish grey and kind of translucent.

"THREE!?" Donnie freaked, pulling on his bandana. "You sent three Nether GIANTS! Are you trying to kill us!"

"All three of you roll fortitude rolls." Leo said calmly, as the three around him groaned.


	21. 21-Vacation

21\. Vacation

(timed shortly after Grey)

"The sun is shining, birds are singing, everything is well in the world!" Mikey crowed happily, as he jogged out ahead of his family.

"Don't run out too far, Mikey!" Leo called out, as he glanced at Donnie as though making sure he was still there and okay.

Donnie didn't say anything. He had an absent air about him, with his hand discreetly holding onto Leo's elbow. Leo would have just assumed that Don was only thinking about a project back in the lair. But he hadn't been in his lab in weeks. Not since he lost his sight.

He sighed soundlessly and looked over in the direction Mikey was running again. He looked really far out. Leo frowned and called out. "Mikey, head back this way!"

"How far away is Mikey?" Don asked, smiling slightly deprecatingly. "Think he will be back soon?"

"You know him. Can barely see him right now." Leo said, then paused and bit his lower lip, with a guilty glance at Don.

Don, however, smiled slightly. "I can well imagine." He said, thoughtfully. "Where are we?"  
"In the meadow behind the farmhouse," Leo said in a helpful tone. "There is a lot of snow out here. But it's much deeper further out. Maybe that will slow Mikey down."  
"Hmmm. Maybe."

"I'm going to drag him back," Leo said, making a mental note of the way Donnie, despite his layers, was shivering. "We should head back soon. Think you can be alone for a minute."  
"Think you'll be back in a minute." Don teased, gently.  
"Oh, I will. Even if I have to tie him up."  
Don frowned slightly. "Hey, don't be too upset with him." He said, a hint of sadness creeping into his voice. "Neither of you had much...well, time for fun or anything. That is why we are here remember?"  
"Yeah, I remember. I remember Master Splinter making us go on vacation." Leo said softly to himself, as he hurried after Mikey, yet glancing worried glances back at Donnie now and then as though terrified of leaving him out of his sight for more than a few minutes. But he did relax some, when he saw Donnie bend down and dig into the snow. He looked content. An expression he had not seen on his face more than a handful of times since the whole mess started.

Leo had been Don's caretaker ever since they found out that he had gone blind. He had practically done everything but cook for him. None of the others would let him get away with cooking. Raph was away, and there was no way to contact him about Donnie, or about the fever before that Mikey and Don caught. At least not until he settles and has internet access again. Or writes a letter. Mikey reigned in the kitchen as usual, but even his spirits dragged at Don's low appetite and even lower spirits.

Don was taking his new situation badly, but Leo expected nothing else. How would he felt if he was the one who woke up blind? Still, it was a shock seeing the normally busy little brother sitting on the couch looking like he didn't know what to do with himself, or in bed and refusing to get out.

Splinter helped in every way he could. He would make Donnie get up when he been laying down too long. He would listen when Donnie was ready to talk That didn't happen but once so far. He would try to amuse him by reading books, or telling stories of Japan by the hour, or read one of April's latest letters and/or e-mails describing college life. He gave Leo a chance to sleep or meditate or practice. Leo at first didn't like being to go play when Splinter started doing this. But Splinter had none of it and told Leo bluntly that he was not going to allow him to burn out like that. Besides, he added, with a sigh and a drooping of the ears, Donnie was his son, as well as Leo's brother. It is almost impossible to see a son suffer and not try to help if he can.

Weeks past like this. Slowly, Donnie climbed out of his depression and started making tentative moves toward learning how to function again on his own. But other than learning the layout of the lair so that he could move without assistance, and starting to learn how to train blind, there was not much for him to do. He was banished from the kitchen after cutting himself trying to wash dishes. Watching t.v. without actually seeing the screen was as boring as it sounded. He knew he could rig up the computer to talk to him if he had someone to do the sight work, but so far the only assistance available were not the most techno-savvy. He knew his inventions were fast going to pot, but he could do nothing about it. This fact frustrated him so much that Leo caught him many of them off the table where they called home with a scream of rage. All this earned him was some burns and a fierce chewing out by Leo, as the elder brother bandaged wounds and cleaned up the caustic mess. Reading, his mainstay through so many illnesses and injuries, was now denied him and that seemed to hurt the most. His family often found him beside one of the old bookshelves, running a hand along a row of books, with the most miserable expression on his face that any of them ever seen. So, he was trying, but seeming to only run into things that he no longer can do kept sending him back into the depression that he was trying so hard to escape.

Leo became frantic and overbearingly smothering. The only time he was not at Don's beck and call was when Splinter would send him to run an errand or to the dojo to practice or meditate as before. And it was getting harder and harder to make Leo mind him.

Mikey tried to put a positive spin on everything, trying to keep everyone's spirits up. But Splinter found him more and more crying over the stove, or Leo would find him giving Raph's old punching bag a good pounding in a fit of rage, as though helping it not miss Raph as much.

Splinter was a cornerstone in the trouble that now plagued the small family. He was the comforter, instructor, taskmaster, and nurse as the need for each rose. But unlike Leo, he was wise enough to remember to take care of his own needs as well. And finally, knowing that they needed some time to unwind and he needed time to be alone, he sent them to the farmhouse for a 'vacation.'

He only hoped it would do some good. He didn't tell them, but he managed to contact the clan. The trio eagerly volunteered to go visit. They did try to visit the lair a couple of times, but only Lex didn't seem to mind being underground, and even he had some serious issues about the smell.

As the three brothers settled in at the only place they ever knew where they can act even a little like normal people, and hesitantly, or not so hesitantly in Mikey's case, explore the wintery landscape, three other brothers were busy planning a trip of their own. Hopefully, the six of them can turn a sad trip to forget the troubles of their moment into something that can really be remembered fondly as a vacation.


	22. 22-Mother Nature

22\. Mother Nature

Mikey looked at the great tree growing in the middle of the dojo, with wide shining eyes. Master Splinter paused in his cleaning, and glanced at the little child curiously, wondering what is going on in his head. He didn't have long to wait to find out about some of it.

"Daddy?"  
"Yes, my son?"  
"When's Mother's Day?"  
Mother's Day? "I will go check." He said, with raised eyebrows.

Leaving his room, his thoughts raced. What could the little boy be wondering about that for? They had no mother. And they never mentioned anything about missing one before. This would definitely need looking into. Maybe it is only curiosity. They are five now, maybe they are finally noticing something is missing?

He checked his calendar in his room, then headed back to the dojo. Seeing another son inside now with Mikey, he paused.

"Do you really think she's going to find it?"

"Of course! She's a farce."  
"Oh. So. Do they know everything or something."  
"I don't know. But I guess she knows everything nature."  
"Why is that."  
"Her name is Mother Nature. I think that means she knows nature stuff."  
"Ohhh."  
The two fell silent for a moment, as the knelt in front of the bonsai tree. They seemed to be doing something at the base, but their shells prevented Splinter from seeing what it was. Finally Mikey, who does not stay silent for long in Splinter's experience, piped up. "You sure she would like this?"

"Why wouldn't she?"  
"Well, we aren't her's"  
"She takes in orphans, I'm sure."  
"Why can't we see her, then."  
"She's like….well, fairies, you know? We can't see them."  
"Oh. Well, I guess your right."

Splinter heard his lanky son sigh, as they got up and started walking away. Splinter watched them go, one serious and thoughtful and the other almost bouncing on his feet with eager anticipation. Then he glanced back at the tree, curious. He saw something laying at the foot, and went t investigate. There he found a small twining wreath laying there, with a piece of paper under it. Picking it up, he read the scrawl, tears started stinging his eyes.

"Deer Mothr Natur,

Donnie an Me wana wiss yu a hapi Mothrs Day!

Ples Dopt us. Donnie Sad we ned a Mothr. We got da bestst dady. But we wans a Mothr two. An Donnie thiks Yu dopt mostrs lik us.

Mikey!

Dear Mother Earth,

I figured that you adopt animal people like us. Father is great. But he has to work so hard to take care of us four. Can you? Even if you don't, Happy Mother's day. All mothers should get a mother's day card now and then.

Donnie


	23. 23-Cat

23\. Cat

Ember eyes watched from the darkness. He can feel them follow his every move. He glanced back again and spied the same twin sparks of light staring at him. Sighing, he got up and stretched. "Fine, Klunk. You win. I'm taking a break. Okay."  
No answer. Donnie didn't really expect one. After all, he was talking to a stupid cat. He staggered into the kitchen and started making the elixer of life otherwise known as coffee. He stared deeply into the orb that slowly filled with fragrant love. Once it got well under way, he headed for the fridge.

He blinked when he realized that he somehow ran into it. Stepping back, he yawned as he opened the door. Pulling out something at random, he gave it a good look and shrugged. Leftover stew it is then. He popped the bowl in the microwave. Then, realizing he just set a small bowl of stew for ten minutes of cooking, he groaned and hit the cancel button. Setting the time properly this time, he turned back to the coffe with the desperate expressin of a drowning man grasping at a life preserver.

HE smiled when he saw that it was done, and quickly filled a cup. He held the full mug to his beak and breathed deeply, the wonderful aroma alone seemed to clear some of the fog from his brain. He took a long drink, then turned to the now beeping microwave. He opened it, grabbed the bowl, and then swore as he jerked his free hand back before he was burned by the lava hot bowl. He jerked so fast, that some of the coffee splashed on his arm, which earned more cursing. But he finally got his coffee and snack up and heading out of the door and back to his lab.

Opening the door with the practice of years, he pushed the door open with his foot. Then he froze and stared at the scene before him. Klunk was sitting right in front of his keyboard. That in itself was not that unussual. What was strange was the cat kept on patting the keyboard with a paw, as though trying to catch something there or….type? He shook his head. There is no way a domb cat was actually typing.

"Get out of here, Klunk." He growled, in a fair imitation of Raph as he stormed over, The cat turned, gave him one long, baleful stare, then hopped away as though that was his intention after all. Donnie snorted and put his snack down. Then as he sat back in his chair, he glanced at the screen. Then froze. On the screen was an open word doc. Typed there were the following words.

"Thank you for going to stretch your legs, reptile. I am glad you obeyed the power of the stare. Now, go to bed. Or I'm going to treat your bed like my special litter box for the next month. Got it? Klunk"

Donnie stared at his screen, his eyes and mouth as wide open as nature would allow. Then he stared at Klunk, who was grooming himself right beside the door. Then he stared at the screen again.

Outside was the sound of muffled giggles. "Think he bought it?" Raph whispered as they started sneaking away. "Think he'll go to bed?"

"If he doesn't then the sleep meds I slipped in that stew would do it." Mikey snickered. "You saw how he was moving? I could call myself Shredder and he would probably buy it!"


	24. 24-No Time

24\. No Time

No time. Every second counts, and those seconds are fast running out. No time to wait. He stared at the time, as each and every number flashed, red and bright as a flower. None that he wanted. And there is nothing he can do. Nothing but wait.

Raph paced behind him, giving Mikey a death glare now and then. "Come on, we got to do this now!" He growled.

"We can't."  
"I hate waiting. And if we miscalculated, well I just don't want to think about it."  
"Yeah. Death would be betta!"

"Donnie is trusting us. If we mess this up, he'll never let us handle this ever again."  
"Word."

The number slid ever lower. Five. Four. Three.  
"Now! Before it's too late!"

Mikey lunged forward, but a sniff of the air shown that they had failed. Donnie's voice sounded from the living room. "Come on, you burnt the popcorn again?!"


	25. 25-Trouble Lurking

25\. Trouble Lurking

He sulked in the corner, following with nimble steps. The shadows were deep in the corners, concealing him from all sight, which was just how he liked it. Invisible from the sharp eyes of the five ninjas that lived there. No, six. Can't forget the lame cat! Sneaky, stupid feline.

Oh, Red is moving again. A quick adjustment of the thing on his back and he hurried after, making sure to account for the weight on his back. Silly green things. He so liked to keep tabs on them. For the master.

Oh, Red is going into the chamber of food! Maybe he can even find some food there, after his mission. What a great reward, after serving the master. Maybe the master will even make sure that he got something really good. Like sugar!

Oh, now Red is joining two of the others at the huge altar of food. Blue is the metal box that can never make up its mind if it wants to be hot or cold. Orange is making whiny noises as he is sitting at the alter of food. Red took a seat and appeared to be picking his nails or something. Gross. Oh well. Verberates.

Blue turned as I came to one of the legs of the altar, with something in his hands. Good. Orange stopped whining, and the sounds of slurping could be heard. I hurry up the leg, my mandible clicks in anticipation of a possible bite of food. I get to the flat and creep closer to the eaters.

Nuts. Orange saw me. He stopped and stared. Food dangled from his mouth as he stared at me. Wow. Are you confused about what food is for? Where it was supposed to go? Then Blue noticed, and drew back. Geesh, that's not nice. Focusing on the two, I didn't realize how close I had drifted to where Red was. Turning, I realized my mistake when I found myself staring into his eyes. HIs wide open, terrified, eyes.  
"ROACH!"


	26. 26-Tears

26\. Tears

Tears streaked down his cheeks. But it was raining so hard, he doubted that his brothers noticed yet. Standing in the pouring rain, he raised his face to the falling waterfall and let it wash his face. His eyes closed against the harsh blows of the rain. Idly, he wondered how rain can even be felt through leathery, scaly, reptile skin. Or is it half-human and so thinner? Once again, he found himself cursing the mix of species that created him.

It was so maddening to guess at how much of him was mammalian and how much was reptilian. It's hard enough being a living, breathing, talking turtle who practices ninjitsu without the complications of being kinda human too. And his brothers wonder why he's always angry. He was not even really sure why he was angry this time.

He was not really sure why he was crying. But he always felt so deeply, sometimes those feelings had no rational reason. They just were, and although he doesn't always give in to those feeling, sometimes he really had no choice in the matter. They swept him away, regardless of what he had to say on the matter.

"Hey, Raph! You coming?"

"Yeah, yeah. Keep yer shell on, Leo."  
"Well, hurry up! You'll catch your death out there!"  
"Geesh, Donnie. Stop mothering me."

Raph shook his head and started back to the fire escape, and the window of April's apartment. Now that he was calmer, he was able to reflect on some of his thoughts earlier. Heh, Reptilian. Mammalian. Donnie, eat yer stinking heart out. Now, who's the smart shell?


	27. 27-Foreign

27\. Foreign

Mikey stared at the thing on his fork. The object looked strange, foreign even. Something he thought might be a good missile to be thrown at a good target. Like the head of one of his brothers. But HIs Father expected him to put in his mouth? Why? What. Is. It?

"Eat your food, Mikey."

"I..is it food?" Mikey asked wonderingly, as he continued to gaze at it.

"Yes, it is. And a very lucky find. They don't throw fresh Vegetables away very often. I wonder what made them do it this time?"

Despite Splinter's reassurance and obvious enjoyment, Mikey was not the only one who seemed unsure that the mystery thing should really be something that goes inside them. Donnie was sniffing it. Leo deftly moved the strange circles to one side so he can eat the rare treat known as steamed rice. Thankfully, the peas Splinter had also found and mixed with the rice was raising no similar concern and was vanishing at a satisfying rate. And Raph had thrown one of the green circles at Leo to see if it bounced like his favorite rubber ball. This earned him a time out, which he had yet to come back to the table from.

"Leonardo, if you cut the sprout in half and eat it with the rice, you might find it pleasant." Splinter advised in a calm voice, though his whiskers were starting to twitch ominously.

Leo took one look at his father and gulped. Taking a deep breath, the six-year-old said, "Hai. Um, sensei." And made to obey. He obeyed, but in the slowest possible manner possible.

Mikey and Donnie watched with drawn breath, as Leo, at last, put the mass at the end of his chopsticks in his mouth. Their eyes widened, as they saw the spasm that seemed to dominate Leo's whole frame. It seemed the only reason he didn't immediately spit it out was that Splinter was watching too, and he didn't want to share a time out with Raph. But he had to close his eyes to get the thing down his throat, of the expression on his face was any indication.

It was too much for the youngest, and Little Mikey bolted from the table, screaming in horror.

"Michelangelo! Get back here right now, and eat your Brussel sprouts!" Splinter yelled, his patience finally snapping.

But for once, Mikey did not obey. They later found him hiding under the bed, rambling incoherently about the green monster eggs that were going to kill them all when they hatch in their poor tummies. Splinter glanced at Leo. Leo was at least being obedient, as he continued to eat the food he so obviously despised. But clearly, he had decided to get it over with as fast as possible, because he was shoving them in one after the other with his hands, swallowing as fast as he could manage.

"Leonardo, chew your food." Splinter admonished crossly, his own pleasure ruined.

Leo paused, then started eating the last one slowly, as requested. But the stifled sounds of suffering was very off-putting.

He then glanced at Donnie. Then took a double-take. Donnie was calmly eating his rice and peas. And there was no sign of his Brussel sprouts anywhere. "Donatello? Did you finish your sprouts?" he asked, startled.

Donnie looked up and met Splinter's eyes with a calm gaze of his own. "Yes, they are finished," he said sweetly. "May I get up, please?"

"When you clean your plate, you may." Splinter allowed. He took a deep breath and smiled at the most obedient of his sons, with an air of satisfaction. He would have felt far less satisfaction if he had followed his son and saw him shake the sprouts out of the napkin and into the commode they had. Flushing it, Donnie sighed. "Sorry, Father. But there is no way such a foreign substance is ever going to be allowed to be put in me."


	28. 28-Sorrow

28\. Sorrow

Splinter stared long into the picture that was placed on the shelf in his room. His heart felt heavy with longing and grief. It was almost too hard for him to breath. Only one year. One long year since he had lost everything that meant something to him. His clan. His Wife. HIs daughter. HIs home. Even his country, for there is no way he could ever go back to Japan, with Saki rising so swiftly to power. Yoshi knew that Saki would continue to be on the watch for him to sneak back, like a rat, he thought with a sour smile. But he refused. He would not sully the only thing he had left. His honor.

Allowing his eyes to leave the picture, at last, he looked around the tiny room with a frown of dissatisfaction. It was humbling that he, once rising to take his place as head of the clan that his family had ruled for generations, to now being a lowly worker in some gas station. It is honest work, and there is honor in that. But it barely paid for more than the barest of shelters and ramen noodles. And the work did nothing to still his longing for the world that he had lost, or distract his mind from the grief that threatened to consume him every day since he came to America.

What was worst of all was the loneliness. HIs world was once peopled with friends and family, students and the reverence of even strangers who knew who he was. Now it barely even had the stifled relationship of the few acquaintances of his job. He knew a little English and learned fast, but he didn't have the heart to try to make friends. And anyway, most of his co-workers were teenagers. Mere children. How was he to relate to them?

He only brightened when his eyes landed on a jar, more than half -full of coins. The bits he managed to save from paycheck to paycheck. The odd coin that he got a tip. The coin he found on the ground. All went to his fund. And soon, in a couple more paychecks, he believed he would have enough to move the plan he had to alleviate his loneliness at least. Because then, he would finally have enough to get a pet. Maybe a dog, or a cat. But he found himself thinking more and more of perhaps getting some turtles. They were the symbol of his long-gone clan, after all, and symbols of longevity, good health, and even luck. And he knew he needed some luck to get out of the hole he had been in for so long.

Besides, the local pet store was having a sale on turtles. A buy one, get one free. He should have just enough for four, with enough for some basic equipment. It seemed as though he was destined to care for turtles. He only hoped this decision would prove able to change his life for the better.


	29. 29-Happiness

29\. Happiness

What is happiness? I think everyone will end up having a different meaning for what happiness is when they hear the word. I will illistrate by describing my observations of my brothers and saying what I feel is their descriptions of happiness, and then I will finish with what it means to me. But first, let's find what Webster has to say about it. I'm going to write it differently so you will know that I am copying instead of writing out of my head, so don't think I wrote this and am smarter than I know I am. I copied it.

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being which can be defined by, among others, positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Happy mental states may also reflect judgments by a person about their overall well-being.

Leo is the oldest. Well, let me amend that. We don't know for sure who is biologically the oldest, but he acts like what people write the oldest acts out. He tries to take care of everyone as much as he knows how, and tries to be fair to everyone as much as he knows how, and tries to keep everyone acting right and how Father expect us to act. The last trait of his in not the most endeering but I can respect why he acts the way he does.

Hmm. And I think his idea of happiness is when everyone is safe and behaving, and everyone is happy. Then he seems to be able to relax and be happy too. It is when he has mastered a kata, when he gets an A on a paper or homework, and when he gets to relax and do something that is just for him. Because he don't do stuff just for himself as much as he does.

Raph is a big, strong turtle. He is, like me, hard to place in the family. Because he is not the clear littlest or oldest. He's a middle, but I think, after reading a news article about family and age place, um, placemints? Well, the article was about how each child shows certain characteristics where they are in when they came, and Raph has a lot of characteristics for the second oldest. He is outgoing, and rebelious and always trying to be better than Leo. He is always trying to get attention. All of them do, actually. But Leo does it by being as perfect as he can be. And Raph does it by bucking every rule and asking why we have to do so and so, and poking holes in Leo's perfect act and tormenting Mikey and me.

I think he is happiest when he pushes his limits and ends up breaking a record or beating a challenge or besting himself and others somehow. Even in stuff like board games and homework and stuff, he is constantly trying to be better than everyone else. But I think he gave up on writing. I think that is a shame, his handwriting is getting better. Really! But he also has a real need to get cuddles and acceptance too. I think he has the best and brightest smile when he gets praise. Last, of all, he's like Leo in that he is happiest when everyone is safe. He don't seem to need everyone else to be happy, but if he sees everyone is safe and taken care if, he is more relaxed.

Mikey is the littlest and youngest. And he acts like it! He is full of giggles and bounciness and all kinds of energy. Especially after he has candy. He does not seem to let anything get to him for very long. He tries to make everyone else smiley and happy too. Sometimes his energy and pranks are wearing, and make me grumpy but I like playing with him because he is creative and lots of fun.

I think he has the most ways to be happy. If he sees something new and bright, if he eats new food, if he eats favorite food...if he eats food, then he's happy. If he gets hugs, he's happy. Even being teased makes him happy, if the teaser is not doing it in a mean way, or Mikey don't notice that it's in a mean way. He is happiest when everyone else is happy and or having fun. In that way, he's like Leo. He want's everyone happy. I guess he wants everyone safe and well too, but I honestly think he is serious enough to realize anyone can get hurt or be sick. I could be wrong, and all that could be a bright soap bubble that hides his deeper sadder thoughts. I wish I knew.

Me? Well, honestly I don't have much to say about myself. But I have some things that make me happy. I love getting a new book. Especially a unfiction book. Because unfiction books have lots of facts in them, and I can use those facts to build my brain up so I can help my family be more comfortable and safe. I love the smell of books and when I get a new book with all the pages and everything, I feel so happy, it's like oozy hot chocolate fills me up with warm gooey sweetness. I love to see my brothers smile, becase then I know that all is right in my world. I love when Father is with us, and we are not training or he don't need to search trashcans for food and mess with humans but can play with us. Then it feels like we are a real family.

My greatest happiness is knowing we are a family. We love each other. It don't matter how the rest of the world sees me if I still got my Father and my brothers. And I know they love me. That and not having to eat worms and algae. That makes me all kinds of happy too.

Donatello, age 8


	30. 30-Under The Rain

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div id="entry_body" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"  
ol style="margin: 0px 1.5em 1.5em; padding: 5px 20px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"  
li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"Under the Rain/li  
/ol  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"He felt the rain against his skin. He heard it pound on the flat roof around him. It hammered a drumbeat on his shell. It tried to burrow into his head. It ran in long riverets along his arms, his legs, his sides. And all he could think of was superheroes. One superhero in particular. He was thinking of Daredevil. He was thinking of how much he was wishing he was Daredevil. If he was Daredevil, he would be able to see again, kinda. He would be able to see the vibrations caused by the rain. It was not as good as normal sight, of course. There is a reason Daredevil was called the man with no fear. He was able to take his disability and still become a super. He could do some amazing things, without sight. Though, that sonar vision thing always struck Donnie as a serious cheat. But then again, it was a sight of a kind. It would be something. He could still be a ninja with that much going for him. It would be sight. He never thought he would miss being a ninja. He was sure he was tired of being helpless. He was mortally tired of not seeing./p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;""Yo, Donnie? What are you doing up here?"/p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"Oh great. Think of supers, and the biggest fan on the face of the planet shows up. And where the biggest fanboy travels... "Don? This is not very save. Let's go back to April's apartment."/p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"Right on time. Mother Hen Leo is on the job everyone. Donnie wondered with a spark of spite, just how much guilt Leo is hoping to absolve this week. "I just wanted a little air." He said, managing to sound calm, and normal. Good, keep the act up. "Don't worry, Leo. I know this roof almost as well as the lair now."/p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;""Let me guess. You have been here before."/p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;""Yes, most of the time it's with Raph or Mikey. So don't worry about it, okay?"/p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"Leo must have gave some kind of glare or dirty look, because Mikey started whining a second later. "I was trying to get him some fresh air! You keep talking about how good fresh air is! And I know that He knows April's roof well, so what's the harm? I mean other than city air being kind of the opposite of fresh. And he can't get any sun because someone will see him. But he's not a prisoner, Leo! And I'm..Eep!"/p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"Donnie smiled reluctantly as the sound of a brief struggle met his ears a moment later. Leo was far more likely these days to, as Mikey called it, go Raph on him. And from the sound of things Mikey was giving as good as he got this time. Donnie wondered if they were wrestling. If it was Raph and Mikey, there was no need to wonder about it. But this was Leo and Mikey. And Leo would most likely just get him in a headlock if he could and hold him down so Mikey would be forced to endure a Leo Lecture without distraction or excape. It was oddly sadistic in it's way. Like a ninja becoming blind./p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"Annoyed at the direction his mind went again, Donnie growled and started walking away from the scruffle. Slowly, carefully to be sure, but away. One arm lifted, as he felt for the small wall that graced one side of the roof. As he did so, he mentally counted steps. Like he told Leo, he knew the roof almost as well as he knew the lair now. And if he didn't find the wall in twenty-five steps, he would pause and try to orient himself again. Fortionately, it didn't come to that. Following the wall, he was able to find the fire excape that led back downstairs. But before he could decend, he heard Leo's voice pipe up again. He only hoped Leo would never find out how grating he was starting to find his older brother's voice. "Wait up, I'll help you down."/p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;""Thanks, anyway. I got this." Donnie answered, as he carefully navigated his way to the railing. "No, let me help. I don't mind." /p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;""But I do mind, Leo. I can do this alone." Donnie said, some of his frustration leaking out with his words./p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"He heard Mikey jog over, and whisper something to Leo as he found and started down the stairs. He didn't exactly know what Mikey was saying, but he had a feeling he knew the gist. And he had the sudden impulse to kiss Mikey. Maybe they would start letting him learn how to live with his disability now? Ha, not likely! And the realization, the realization that nothing was going to change from now on, made him want to both laugh and cry at the same time./p  
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	31. 31-Flowers

ol style="margin: 0px 1.5em 1.5em; padding: 5px 20px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;"  
li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"Flowers/li  
/ol  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;"Flowers. Flowers everywhere! Flowers under trees. Flowers on the trees. Flowers growing along paths. Flowers scattered across wide meadows. Flowers by ponds. Flowers growing by a lake. Flowers that are picked and put in vases in the kitchen and the living room. Flowers everywhere. And Mikey decided that he really liked flowers. /p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;"Honestly, he only knew dandelions that grew in strangled clumps on the sidewalk cracks in the city, and the flowers that they got to see at night in Central Park. That was all any of them knew before they came to the farmhouse. Now all of them are going a little plant crazy, even /p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;"Leo once he woke up and started healing. He didn't go out much yet. But he started reading up on various plants and drying flowers, herbs, and leaves. Some he turned into teas and cures, both for himself to get better by, and to store in Donnie's growing medical supplies. And the rest went in a book of pressed flowers with descriptions of what the plant is, and what uses they have. There were three books on the subject in the farmhouse, and April was more than glad to get more books from the library for everyone. Just seeing Leo do something, made everyone at the moment, be willing to bend over backward, just to keep him happy and engaged. /p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;"Raph had the least love for flowers, but he ran his feet off to supply Leo with all the flowers and herbs that he wanted. He broke the ground for the garden Mikey and Donnie wanted to put in. He waded to get to fresh watercress, and cattails. All because Mikey was certain he knew they could forage for food. And Leo reassured Raph that Mikey won't poison them with those foods. Just stay away from mushrooms, until he could look into them more. Raph did get into herbs. Herbs were practical, at least. And he liked the smells of some of them. But he liked some flowers. He just didn't want to announce it to the world that he liked something so girlish. Except for sunflowers. Sunflowers, he felt, was appropriately manly to be liked by men and women alike. And the seeds are awesome. /p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;"Donnie worked himself to death. His flowers are on his grave. Well, that was what Mikey would have everyone believe. But there is some truth to his words of doom. Donnie worked and worried over Leo to the point that Leo would flat out tell him to buzz off. Then he would work in the lab in the barn, or tinker with the truck with Casey, or take inventory again to make sure that the medical supplies are good, or reading up on medical books and journals, to make sure he knew more about what to do, just in case something like what happened to Leo happens again, then he wouldn't be better prepared. He believed that Leo was taking so long to heal because he had messed up somehow when he was taking care of him and was looking to rectify that./p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;" Training was a pain, but Raph made sure he participated. The garden idea was kind of pointless in his mind. But Mikey made him go to help. Saying that everyone would be healthier with fresh food, Mikey happily ignored Donnie telling him that they would be gone before anything would be harvested. /p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;"Of all of them, it was Mikey who went to most plant-mad. He started every day by running into the meadows and gathering huge bundles of flowers to decorate the home with. He foraged for herbs and plants and tried to get others to eat his culinary experiments with them. He did vow to check with Leo about how safe the plants were after one stew sent Raph to the bathroom to live for two days solid. He also happily supplied Leo with plants to work with, but tended to find the same thing over and over, which frustrated Leo. /p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;"He was the one that made chains of flowers and put them on April's head, and his own head, even Raph's head if he can manage to catch him. And the resulting chase was always amusing for everyone else to watch. /p  
p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; color: #333333;"So it is safe to say that all of the clan had gone crazy, to various levels for flowers. They were so strange. They were so frail, and yet so lovely. And they were another distraction from wondering if Splinter was dead, and what was going on in the city. Distractions were always good. Even when they led to Donnie talking about using some of the surpluses that Mikey kept bringing in, to make paper./p 


	32. 32-Night

night

There are plenty that wake as the sun is setting, and live their lives during the night. Donnie told his brothers on numerous occasions that a sign of high intelligence was the trait of being a night owl like they tend to stay up later than others, and working at night might not be seen as something that was so bad for them. Raph called Don on that, by reminding him that Mikey was a night owl too.

For the longest time after Raph pointed that out, Don followed Mikey around, taking notes and trying to find what his 'genius was'. He finally decided that Mikey was a creative genius who had not found his main focus yet.

Leo didn't consider himself highly intelligent by any means, but he often wondered how many people live like them because they chose to, and how many are like them. Because they have to. Because they do not fit into any kind of normal society. Because they had to hide. He hoped there was not that many.

Leo often wondered what kind of people traveled at night. Worked at night. How many people would take a walk at night, and make a point to look up at the sky to watch the stars, and keep track of the moon, like himself and Donnie?

How many others saw the night as a time to go out and get crazy. To grab a beer with a friend, or go bash some gang members heads in, like Raph. Leo really hoped that there were not that many Raph's running around like that.

How many look out at the night sky, and sigh to be in a relationship, and dream of going to movies and restaurants, and parties and having friends like Mikey, and to a lesser degree, Donnie and Leo. He had no idea of Raph thinks like that, but since of all of them, he's the only one that dared to sneak into a bar, maybe that is enough for him?

Frankly, Leo didn't want to get that deeply into Raph's head. Leo decided that he was the most content of the four with his life. With his nocturnal schedule. He does not mind training and honing his skills as a ninja. In fact, he loves that part of his life. And practice in a dojo is something you can do any time of the day. He does not mind visiting their few friends at night. Nighttime holds few horrors for him anymore.

It is a time where they can almost have a normal life. Travel to places, go out to eat even, as long as it was at the one place that doesn't mind having mutants. It is when they can skate, or just act like teens. Sometimes, he does want more. He wonders what it would have been like to go to school when April and Casey talk about it.

He wonders what kind of high schooler he would have been. The others were easy to pin. Raph would have either been a jock or a troublemaker, or both. Mikey would be Mr. Popular for sure. And Donnie would probably been a big nerd who graduated and started college at fifteen or something.

But what would he had been? He wonders what would he had thought of nighttime if he was a normal human. Would the darkness be as comforting to him then? Or would it have been terrifying?

What Leo liked best these days, was slipping away to a certain roof, settle in a certain corner that he had started to spend time to fix up a bit to be more comfortable, and stare up at the stars when they were visible, and to the moon when they were not, and dream of what life would have been like if things were different.

Only then did he come to realize that his life was far from perfect and that he was not nearly so content with it than he first thought. But one thing did remain the same. The night holds few horrors for him. The only horrors wear metal masks and have gauntlets that have retractable spikes. The only horrors are guns and bullets and bombs to kill or maim his brothers. Other than that, the night is still a friend and one that he greets with gladness.


	33. 33-Expectations

There was always certain expectations. Each turtle knew them, of course. They were drummed in each head often enough. Each expectation was placed there to keep them safe, after all. Yet somehow the expectations was taken in differently by each turtle.

One was how human would treat them. What Splinter taught them to expect was that humans would never understand them. That the safest thing they can do was to keep away from them. That they could be hurt by humans if they do not keep from them. Leonardo as he grew up, decided that this is true for the most part. But didn't April show that not every human was going to hurt them. He decided that humans were best to be avoided, unless they are in trouble, or need to be punished. Then he would help them, or punish them as the circumstances allow. Let the ones that have no honor fear him, he don't mind that. Let the innocent be treated with gentleness and honor. If he behaved in a way that brought honor to his clan and to mutants in general, than humans would come to understand that his kind posed no threat. Even if this came after he himself passed away. This became Leo's expectation of humans.

Raphael had no problem believing that humans would hate them on sight. He saw deep into human nature and found it ugly. If it was not for Casey, and April, Kirby and a few others who was not full of slime and vinegar, then he would have washed his hands of the whole pathetic race years ago. He adopted this as his expectation. Help if they need it. But like a pack of vipers, do not turn you back on them. Unless that human is a kid. Kids are young. They can be taught to do better. So he took a protective stance with kids and decided that as for the adults unless they have a kid or are about to be pounded on, let them rot. This became Raph's expectation of humans.

Donnie knew the expectation. He understood, intellectually all that humans are capable of. Perhaps better than all the others put together. Like Raph, sometimes his knowledge can make him bitter. But there is a part of him that fought to remain hopeful, that like Ariel from A Little Mermaid, he had trouble believing that the world that made such wonderful things as computers, advanced medicines, science about the cosmos and all the huge libraries of books could be bad. He decided that if he proved himself to be a productive member of society, if he contributed something amazing, that humans would start to accept him. Maybe only fellow scientists, but as long as they were willing to treat him like a peer and not as an experiment, he would be okay with that. All he had to do was learn as much as he can, and work as hard as he can. And one day he would be accepted. This became Donnie's expectation of humans.

Mikey never even tried to understand. Surely not all humans thought the very same not every human would hate him on sight. Even if there were ninety-nine who hated hime, Mikey was sure that one out of a hundred would not. And he decided that he would find that one, and make them his friend. Even if it took all his life. In the meantime, he had to be likeable. If he was aloof like Leo, or angry like Raph, then of course no human would like him. Donnie, he thought, with his gentle approach, might not be completely hopeless. But Mikey knew the best way to win people and make friends was with a sense of humor. Make them laugh, and they would forget your a headious freak of nature. Hey, worked for Dangerfield! Worked for Seidfield! So he worked on learning jokes, and the telling of storries. He learned how to smile winsomely, and how to properly shake hands. Not an easy fet with three-fingered hands. He learned every unspoken rule of several different social groups with the devotion to detail and patience that his brothers were ready to swear that he did not have. Mostly from movies and t.v. But also by watching people. He knew gang behavior almost as good as Raph, and knew how to blend in with geeks and nerds at conventions like he was born into the sub-culture. So he came to believe that every human has to be taken in on an individual basis. But if he was charming enough, then he would be accepted by more of them than he would be rejected. That became Mikey's expectation of humans.

It was common for the four brothers to argue about the different expectations that each have. It is common for the more reserved to try to hold back the more optimistic. Bun none of the turtles ever managed to completely change the minds of the others. Mikey's optimism would only make a dent in Raph's perceptions when he gushed about this kid he saw doing something cute. Raph could only darken Mikey's by pointing out some act of violence on the news. And that didn't last long. Leo's caution seldom bothered Donnie's more hopeful outlook, but with him, it was hard to tell. Whenever Leo tried to talk to him about being careful, Don would listen and nod, and smile politely, but sometimes Leo wondered if he was talking to a brick wall. Donnie never tried to get the others to see things from his point of view. He just lived it out, only speaking out of someone was about to get hurt that he felt didn't deserve to get hurt. And his idea of mercy extends beyond even those of Leo. Everyone deserves a second chance. Leo's was more like Every deserves to live in peace. Unless they try to hurt his family. Raph decided long ago that if humans leave him and his family alone, then he would leave them alone. Cross him, and they go down. And Mikey would never ever lump anyone in one group. He knew that each person was different and wonderful. So he would approach a human as a blank slate. And maybe a potential friend. Hey, it could happen!

Even so, even though the expectation of each brother was so radically different. Even though some was sure that the others are being hopelessly naive. Even though some thought others were jaded and unapproachable. They were still first and foremost brothers. They will watch each other back. They will treat each other like family. This became the expectation of the Hamato clan.


	34. 34-Stars

The stars above continued to twinkle. Mikey smiled up at them, unaware that his eyes were twinkling too. He knew that Donnie would like to bore him again with how stars came to be, what they are made of, blah, blah, science, science. Leo would probably say something like how each star was some distant thought that can only be captured with meditation and focus. Zen stuff. And Raph would only look up to see if it was going to rain or not. Mikey wasn't sure if he even noticed stars anymore. Maybe if he had to navigate by them or something. Mikey thought Raphie was becoming boringly pragmatic.

For him, stars didn't need to be made of anything special or be some goal to capture or something to be ignored. They just were. And Mikey was content to just be too when he sat on the edge of some building, or on the grass of the farmhouse, and just stared up and watched them. Later, he might paint them, but right now, he was content just to be in that moment, when the stars spoke to him and his heart spoke right back.


	35. 35-Hold My Hand

"Hold my hand."  
He remembered the first time he ever heard those words. He was four, and Father was leading him through the sewers. They were looking for food, but he was not sure if he remembered that part right. There was a lot of water flowing though, and Donni was scared. Almost too scared to be willing to walk along the path beside all that rushing water, roaring so fast and making his ears hurt with all the noise. Then his Dad's quiet voice cut through the rush of the water and the rush of his panicked thoughts. "Hold my hand. And you will be safe."

"Hold my hand."  
He was now almost seven. It was close to their mutation day, and he shivered with fever. His head hurt, his sides hurt from all the coughing. He felt weak, almost too worn out to lift his head. He has been sick so often that year, that he almost forgot what it was like to be well. Another deep, racking cough swept over him, causing him to double up, gasping feebly for much-needed air. Then he felt a furry, familiar hand grip his own. "Hold my hand, my son." He heard. "Everything will be better soon, I promise."

"Hold my hand."  
They were ten, and Mikey was about to do something stupid again. Donnie just knew it. He had that mad glint in his eyes. "I bet I can make that."  
"I won't bet, I know you can't."  
"Oh yeah? want to watch."  
"No, I don't want to watch you commit suicide. That is impossible to jump...Mikey, no!"  
But it was no good. Mikey was running fast, giggling like a maniac. Reaching the very edge, he took a springing jump and soared over the chasm. To be fair, he almost made it.  
Donnie leaped after him, forgetful of the impossibility of the jump in his fears for his brother's safety. Pole vaulting with his bo staff, he was only just able to make it. Turning swiftly, he reached down and grabbed a terrified Mikey with both hands. "Come on, Mikey. Hold on! Hold my hand and I'll pull you up!"

"Hold my hand."  
The battle had gone badly. Very badly. He was eighteen years old and was sure he would no longer make it to nineteen. Not if he was judging the gushing blood from his side to be any indication. Still, it might be better. Mikey lay nearby. He didn't move, didn't make a sound. Donnie hardly expected him to, with his head facing his back now. But he didn't want to think about that. Didn't want to think about who was going to die next, with the sound of battle still ringing across the other side of the roof. He didn't want to think of who will show up next in his fading vision. An enemy come to finish the job? Or worse, a brother about to die over him?  
He almost hoped he would be the next to die, just to be spared the knowledge that another brother was dead. Gasping for breath, he clutched at his side and the dagger that was still there. A barely made quid preventive to not bleed out, he knew. And this with the dagger still in? How bad would it be with it out? If he was truly brave, he would yank it out. He gripped the handle to do that, but he had no strength. He couldn't move it at all.  
The next instant, something grabbed his hand. A familiar grip. He opened eyes he didn't know he closed and stared up into blue eyes. Leo. The image quickly faded, even as he heard Leo say. "Hold my hand, Donnie. Everything will be okay."  
It was the last thing he ever heard.


	36. 36-Precious Treasure

There it lay on the table. Sparkling bright and perfect. A shimmering testament to creative power. His source of power his one possession that made all possible. He picked it up with reverent fingers and slipped it on one. Then he held his hand out and observed the way the stone sparkled in the dim light.

"I have you, my plus one ring of power. My precious ring. My Awesome!"

The others facepalmed. Leo glanced over at Donnie with narrowed eyes. "You do know I blame you for making that, right?"

"I take full blame." Donnie agreed with a groan.

"I say we toss it and forget we ever let the little dork ever get near it."

"We had our chance, too late now."

"Wanna bet?"


End file.
